


Sanity

by Inkognito97



Series: The ABC of Obi-Wan Kenobi [22]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Dark, Anakin is Qui-Gon's Padawan, Angst, Character Death, Dark Obi-Wan Kenobi, Death, Destruction, Diary/Journal, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Family, Fear, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Visions, Forgiveness, Gray Jedi, Happy Ending?, Hurt/Comfort, Jedi Code, Jedi Council - Freeform, Jedi Temple, Jedi Training, Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi, Major character death - Freeform, Manipulation, Master & Padawan Relationship(s), Mind Games, Multiple Personalities, Obi-Wan is the Chosen One, One Shot, POV Qui-Gon Jinn, Padawan Anakin Skywalker, Post-Star Wars: The Phantom Menace, Qui-Gon Lives, Science Fiction, Shmi is freed, Sith Holocron, The Force, being one with the Force, slight insanity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-19
Updated: 2016-10-19
Packaged: 2018-08-23 09:53:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 40,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8323402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inkognito97/pseuds/Inkognito97
Summary: It had been years since Qui-Gon Jinn last saw his former Padawan. When he finally returns from his mission to find the remaining Sith, the tall Jedi Master hopes that they can overcome the rift that has formed between them. Unfortunately, things are not always that easy...Part 19 in the ABC of Obi-Wan Kenobi





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a SHORT story, with no more than 8000 words... that worked well.  
> I hope you like it^^  
> Every mistake is my own.
> 
> Disclaimer: I sadly do not own Star Wars or any of its characters. I only borrow them from Disney and play with them. :)

Sanity

 

With pride I watched as Anakin fought in the Padawan tournament. In the short time we had spent together, he had already come so far, especially when you consider how far he had been behind his age mates. That and I was not the youngest myself. I sighed inaudible. I know that I shouldn’t have taken Anakin as my Padawan learner. I know that he was supposed to be the apprentice of someone else, but that someone disappeared without a word and without a trace. I still had the suspicion that the Council and especially Yoda and Mace were completely responsible for this. That meddling old troll and his right hand puppy always stuck their noses in others’ affairs. But unfortunately I had no way of changing what has happened, so I had to remain silent and took Anakin as my apprentice. Nobody else would have trained him and I didn’t free the boy just to crush his dream. That and the boy was the Chosen One after all, even though the others still doubted it. Still, neither Council member could give me any reason or proof that I was wrong and therefore I kept my opinion.

“Impressive how far your Padawan has gotten,” the familiar voice of Mace Windu appeared next to me.

I didn’t answer, only gave him a small and tired smile and then returned my gaze back to the tournament just in time to see Anakin deliver his winning strike. Almost immediately the blonde boy’s eyes darted towards me and I fully smiled at him and nodded my head in approval, earning a bright grin from the boy.

Mace had sat down next to me and also nodded his approval. At least my best friend since childhood had warmed up to the boy, it had taken time, but he finally saw Anakin for the bright and promising child he was.

“You look tired,” the Korun Master offered while the next pair started their battle.

“I don’t sleep well,” I replied, not really eager to talk about it, but I knew that Mace wouldn’t drop the subject just like this.

“Nightmares?”

“More like visions,” more like pictures and noises that didn’t make sense to me.

“Have you considered visiting the mind healers?”

I gave him a pointed glare, “I don’t need the mind healers.”

The dark skinned Master shrugged, “Suit yourself.”

A comfortable silence settled between us, while we watched Padawans fighting against each other. Anakin had a break now and was sitting with a few of his age mates. I was glad to see that he had found friends here. His past as a slave from Tatooine had made it difficult for him at the beginning, but eventually the ice broke and he found some friends. Another wave of nostalgic hit me. Obi-Wan would have been great for the boy. Not only as a friend and somebody who would understand his situation – he had not been wanted at the beginning too after all – but as a Master.

As if sensing where my thoughts were taking me – it was probably obvious on my face – Mace said, “He is coming back you know.”

“Excuse me?” I asked irritated.

“Obi-Wan… as you know, the Council had requested him to return for some time now. He finally gave in, probably only because Yoda had a serious talk with him. They spoke under four eyes and the green troll was not in a good mood afterwards.” The Korun Master sighed, “That boy is just as stubborn as you are.”

I hummed in agreement, “When will he arrive?”

“His ship should be here in three days… it has been a long time, hasn’t it?”

I nodded absentmindedly, “Three and a half years to be exact.” My tone was sour and Mace knew exactly why.

“Listen, I am sorry. The Council shouldn’t have sent him on this Sith hunt, especially not so soon after he had been knighted and when you have not even woken up yet.”

“If he had truly wanted it, he would have stayed nevertheless,” I said bitterly. In all honesty, I didn’t blame Obi-Wan for leaving and getting away from me. Not after all he had been through and after all the hurtful words I had said.

“He was confused and hurt at the time and nobody was offering a shoulder to lean on. He was alone and that is as also the Council’s fault.”

I simply nodded, even though it was mostly to avoid another discussion.

 

Later that day when Anakin and I returned to our shared quarters, I was lost in thoughts. Obi-Wan was finally coming back to the temple, which meant that I could make amends with him. If he wanted to see me at all that is. I shook my head to clear my mind from those thoughts. The Force would guide me and help me set things right between us, I just had to trust it. I still wondered what my former Padawan had been up to during his absence.

“Master?” Anakin’s voice brought me out of my musing.

“Yes Padawan?”

“Are you disappointed that I did not win?” This question took me by surprise and I needed a few moments to form a reply.

“Why in the universe would you think that?” I eventually spit out bewildered.

“You are so silent and you had a strange expression just now… was it because of me? Did I do something wrong?”

I abruptly stopped in my movements and kneeled down to be on eyelevel with Anakin. I grabbed his shoulders tightly, careful not to hurt him or cause him any pain and I tilted his chin up, so that his worried eyes locked with mine.

“I would never be disappointed at you for not winning a tournament, Padawan. In fact, I am very proud that you have gotten so far,” a shy and pleased smile was my answer. “But I fear that my mind has been occupied lately…”

“By what?”

I sighed, this was harder than it should have been. “Do you remember my former Padawan?” Only after the blonde boy nodded, did I continue, “Obi-Wan is coming back to the temple in a few days and I am worried how he might react to me.”

Anakin nodded in understanding, “I am sure he will be happy to see you.”

I smiled at that, “I greatly hope so. Now, let’s get back to our quarters, we will have to rise early tomorrow.” Anakin groaned, but he complained no further.

 

I didn’t get a second of sleep that night. I wouldn’t have slept much anyway, because of the strange dreams and visions, but the thought of finally seeing Obi-Wan again hindered me from resting. Every time I closed my eyes, the picture of my young child appeared, with his short ginger hair, his long braid and his expressive and warm blue-green eyes.

I snorted at myself. I was a Jedi Master for the Forces sake. I shouldn’t have problems with calming myself and finding my centre, but somehow the Force did not respond when I tried to get rid of the troubling emotions and thoughts. It only worsened them if that was even possible. Nevertheless I forced myself to stay calm and tried for the rest of the night to get some much needed sleep. Even though Master Yoda would say, “Do or do not, there is no try.”

* * *

 

I waited anxiously in the hangar of the Jedi temple, Mace Windu and Yoda standing next to me. A lot of other Jedi had gathered in the hangar. Everybody wanted to see the great Sith-Killer after all, who had earned the title Sith-Hunter when he left for finding clues in the galaxy. Anakin, whose classes had been cancelled due to the event of the Sith-Hunter returning, was also standing next to me. The boy was almost as anxious as me, which was probably due to all the rumours that travelled through the temple, as well as the nervousness he undeniable felt through our bond. My Padawan and I had decided to invite Obi-Wan for dinner on one of the following days. I just hoped my former Padawan wouldn’t decline, because Anakin had formed a strong bond with him during the brief time I laid in coma and undoubtedly Anakin would be very disappointed should he not come.

Finally – after what seemed like years but was in reality barely minutes – Obi-Wan’s ship landed. Mace lightly elbowed me in my side to keep me from running there. Slowly the ramp lowered and steam escaped the vehicle. It took way too long for my liking and somehow I was reminded of one of these cheesy holo-movies Adi Gallia seemed to enjoy.

 

A pair of black boots appeared on the ramp and I unconsciously held my breath when more and more of the person appeared. I felt the excitement in the air and it felt as if you could cut through the tension with a vibro-dagger.

Finally the man had completely stepped out of the ship and my jaw almost met the floor. Obi-Wan had always been something to look at and more than once I had to keep all kind of people away from my Padawan. It was not forbidden for a Jedi to lay with another being, but it was looked down upon and was not very common. But then again, Obi-Wan was a living legend and he probably could get through with everything.

My former Padawan stood proudly in his black robes and black trousers; the dark clothes giving him a mysterious aura. He had grown a beard around his mouth, the style was called a henriquatre when my memories were right. His hair was longer than the last time I saw him. His cold grey-blue eyes looked briefly around the hangar, before he turned back towards the ship, offering his hand to somebody.

I suddenly realised that something was wrong. Obi-Wan had always had warm and friendly blue-green eyes, not cold grey ones. But I had seen him looking around, therefore he couldn’t be blind, could he? Then again, he WAS sporting a scar that ran over his right eye.

I was brought out of my musing by Anakin’s surprised gasp and I looked back towards Obi-Wan, only to see a quite familiar figure standing next to him. Shmi Skywalker was walking down the ramp, guided by Obi-Wan’s arm. She looked nervous and quite uncomfortable, but I saw my former Padawan moving his lips and almost immediately did Shmi’s body relax.

She also looked around the hangar and I did not even have to guess who she was searching. Obi-Wan said something else and her eyes first turned towards him, before they moved to look directly at us, or rather to Anakin next to me.

“Master...” rang Anakin’s voice.

I forced myself to look away from Obi-Wan and down at my Padawan, whose eyes were wide and pleading. I hesitated. I had trained Anakin to let go and forget about his mother and allowing him to go now could cause him to fall into old habits again. I couldn’t risk this to happen, but neither could I forbid him to go and see his mother. I let out a deep breath and eventually said, “Go, but remember your training.”

Anakin’s eyes immediately lightened up and he obediently nodded before he ran full speed towards his mother. She looked quizzically at Obi-Wan, but at his nod she smiled and approached her son, until the two of them embraced each other. I only barely registered all of this, for my main focus was only on my former apprentice, whose face remained impassive during the whole exchange.

“Qui-Gon?” the voice of Mace Windu asked worried.

Before I could so much as say let alone do anything, our focus was turned elsewhere. “Obi-Wan!” a female voice screamed and a moment later a Mon-Calamari Jedi ran forwards and more or less tackled Obi-Wan into an embrace. His eyes settled on the female’s head, which I now recognised at Bant Eerin, an old friend of Obi-Wan’s. To my surprise – and probably hers too – he raised his arms, but not to envelope her in them, but to push her away from him. Again he said something which I couldn’t catch and her shocked and scandalised expression turned to one of understanding. But now the dam had been broken and other Jedi moved forward to greet my former Padawan, yet Obi-Wan allowed not one of them to touch him other than a shake of hands and I had the brief suspicion that he only allowed that because he was wearing gloves. Me, Mace and Yoda kept away for now. We highly doubted we would get through to Obi-Wan anyway. Yet there was something gravely bothering me. Obi-Wan had never been one to prevent any form of physical contact, quite the opposite in fact. That and the young man I got to know would have been highly embarrassed by all the praise, but this man before me remained neutral and cold. He politely accepted the praise, but then he quickly dismissed any kind of questions or small talk, also politely of course. The dismissed Jedi seemed disappointed but accepted their fate. They knew Obi-Wan had been away for over three years and that he needed and wanted time for himself to adjust.

What made me quite happy was the change in Obi-Wan’s attitude once the Initiates and Younglings were circling him. Some of the usual warmth returned in his eyes and he even kneeled down to be on eyelevel with them. He also answered some of their questions and it was obvious that he enjoyed the future generation’s company, while he apparently despised the older one. Not that I could blame him, but it still worried me.

 

Once the future generation had left with the promise of Obi-Wan visiting them, my former Padawan stood back up and held up his right hand when other Jedi were about to claim his attention again. Immediately the crowd around him fell silent and the Jedi even parted when he stepped forward, towards the two Council Members and me. His expression revealed nothing, but I knew that mine was openly displaying my nervousness.

“Masters,” the familiar accented voice finally greeted with a small bow of his head.

“Welcome back, Knight Kenobi,” Mace Windu smoothly replied, “Quite a surprise that you brought with you.” He was referring to Shmi, who was surrounded by Anakin and a few of his friends. They seemed happy and content.

“I barely did what the Force told me to do.” I barely kept myself from snorting. Now where had I heard that one before?

“Nothing else to do you have, hm?” Yoda was speaking to the gathered crowd behind Obi-Wan, which immediately hurried away after the grandmaster’s words. He then turned back to our returned member, “Good to see you healthy and alright, it is. Glad that you followed the Council’s summoning, I am.”

Obi-Wan’s eyes narrowed barely noticeable, “I do hope that there is a reason for this... summoning.”

I saw Mace raising his eyebrows and even I was surprised at my former Padawan’s bluntness and lack of respect. Yoda however seemed to ignore it, “A reason there is. But speak of this here and now, we will not. Time for this, there will be later.”

Mace nodded, “We have appointed the Council meeting tomorrow around the eleventh hour standard time.  This way you can settle in your quarters and get some sleep.”

Obi-Wan hummed in agreement, “I’ll be there.”

“See you tomorrow then, we will.”

The two Council members and Obi-Wan bowed before Yoda and Mace left. Finally Obi-Wan and I were alone, except Anakin his friends and his mother.

“Obi-Wan,” I greeted the young man before me with a small smile.

He inclined his head, expressionless eyes settled on me, “Master Jinn.”

I almost flinched. Him calling me Master Jinn hurt more than any punch could have. “Qui-Gon, please call me Qui-Gon. The Force knows you have earned it.”

“If that is your wish Master Qui-Gon.”

“That’s not what I...” I sighed. This behaviour was mostly my fault, “I am glad to see you... you look good, the beard suits you.”

He inclined his head in a sign of gratitude, “You haven’t changed much, Master Qui-Gon.”

I chuckled, “I wish it were so. I definitely have a lot more grey hair thanks to my Padawan.” I received not even the slightest twitch for my good natured comment and once more I wondered if the wound between us would ever be healed. But then again, Obi-Wan had not reacted differently to his friends, which made me guess that this was not only due to the gap between us.

Meanwhile the children around Shmi Skywalker had disappeared as well and the two Skywalkers were finally able to talk alone. I briefly looked at them, “It was... nice of you to free her.” I cleared my throat. In all honesty I didn’t know what to say.

“Somebody had to do it and since you apparently were otherwise occupied and the Jedi Order obviously doesn’t care, I took matters into my own hands.”

My gaze turned shocked towards the blunt reply. Of course I had caught the offending and almost insulting tone when he said I was occupied, but Obi-Wan openly disregarded the Jedi Order. That was something the young man I knew would never have done and I couldn’t help myself but to wonder, what had caused that drastic change and the obvious mask Obi-Wan now wore.

“That’s not a mask, that’s the way I am. The way I always was, you all were just too blind to see it.”

 I furrowed my brows and ignored the fact that he knew what I was thinking even though my shields were fully raised, “What do you mean by that?”

“You are the one, who always accused me of not being one with the Living Force, but in all honesty you are just as blind when it comes to such matters as you said I was.”

That was the first time since his arrival that he had acknowledged me as his former Master. Still, his tone was cold and neutral and his eyes calculating. Before I could form a coherent reply, let alone figure out what exactly he had said, another voice interrupted us, “Obi-Wan, I mean Master Kenobi.”

“It would be Knight Kenobi, not Master, but you can keep calling me Obi-Wan. I do not care for such trivial formalities,” the ginger haired male before me replied while turning to greet Anakin.

My blonde Padawan nodded and gave one of his small and true smiles, “I wanted to thank you for freeing my mother and for taking care of her.”

“You should thank the Force for that, young Padawan. I am merely its tool and I bend to its will.”

“I will, thank you Obi-Wan.” Said Knight nodded in what I assumed was satisfaction.

“How did you manage to free her anyway? When I was on Tatooine the merchant wouldn’t sell her,” I wanted to know.

Cold grey eyes met mine, “With the right resources and the right words, you can achieve anything in this galaxy.” Somehow this statement caused a bad feeling in my gut.

“I assume you have mastered the art of negotiating?”

“No one can master anything. You can just perform your duties to the best of your abilities and while trusting in the Force.”

“But when I learn a kata and I am able to perform it correct and without any mistake, have I not mastered it then?” Anakin asked and I silently agreed with his question.

“To master something, in your case that kata, you have to perform it not only correctly and without mistakes, but you have to perform it in complete perfection. And now tell me, young Skywalker, how do you define perfection?”

A questioning gaze landed on me and I decided to step in, “Perfection is to perform your duty to the best of your abilities.”

“The delusions of a dreamer...” Obi-Wan mumbled, but I caught it nevertheless.

“The sarcasm of the young and inexperienced,” I retorted, trying to defend my pride.

“The sarcasm of a realist,” Obi-Wan retorted.

“That is no realism,” I protested.

“It is. You just refuse to see it.”

Before our argument could get worse, Anakin decided to step in, “How would you define perfection, Obi-Wan?” Said Knight seemed to ponder about his answer and I gave my Padawan a grateful look which was rewarded with a knowing smile.

Eventually Obi-Wan answered, “There is no answer to that question, at least no answer a living being could give.”

“I don’t understand,” Anakin replied.

“To define perfection you need to experience it. But there is no such thing in the galaxy and certainly not with the creatures from the Force.” I silently was very impressed at those words. They could very well have been from Master Yoda.

“But there has to be someone or something that can answer this question!”

“The Force can and if you listen strong enough, you might get an answer.” Anakin nodded in understanding. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have other matters to attend to,” Obi-Wan nodded his head and turned to walk away.

 

Anakin was stepping closer to me and nudged me in the side while pointing at Obi-Wan’s retreating back. It took me a moment to realise what he wanted, but then I yelled, “Obi-Wan!”

Said man stopped moving and looked over his shoulder at me, “we, that means Anakin and myself, were wondering if you would like to join us for dinner while you are here.”

“Don’t worry, Master Qui-Gon will not touch anything in the kitchen. I will cook and I am a pretty decent cook if I say so myself.” I playfully tugged at my Padawan’s braid, who gave me a sheepish smile.

“I do not consider this a good idea.” Why was he so distant?

“Oh please,” Anakin asked and Shmi nodded.

My former Padawan seemed to struggle with himself. “You will have to make plans quickly then,” he finally said, “I will not be staying long.”

“I doubt the Council would let you leave this soon again,” I offered.

“I do not need the Council’s approval. I only follow the Force,” Obi-Wan said and wasn’t that just ironic? I remember a young man and Padawan, who would follow the Code and the Council like a blind man. And when I turned against them, he was the first to protest. Now it almost was the other way around and I wondered if I should be proud that my former Padawan turned out to be just like me or if I should be blaming myself for ruining yet another bright spirit.

“But isn’t that against the Code and the Order?” Anakin asked.

Obi-Wan turned fully around again and his expression was dark, “Freeing your mother would also have been against the Code.” I saw my Padawan stepping closer to his mother, who had turned slightly pale. “Following your own instincts and emotions is against the Code. But the Council is not all-knowing.”

“That is betrayal to the Jedi...” I said lamely. Hard eyes fixed on me and I had the shrinking feeling that the dinner would not be taking place.

“That from you of all people,” why had I the terrible suspicion that I had pushed my former Padawan further away? “A true Jedi would follow the will of Force and only the Force. A true Jedi wouldn’t bow to the Senate or the Republic,” I could tell that he was getting furious as if he knew something we didn’t.

“The Jedi and the Senate work alongside. I agree that some decisions should be handled differently and more in tune with the Force, but in the end the Republic, the democracy is a very important part.” The Skywalkers’ eyes were darting between me and my Padawan, whose mask had turned into a scoff.

“The Republic is a lie, just as its so precious democracy. It’s already corrupted to the core, you are just too blind to see the darkness.”

“But Padme,” Anakin started to protest, but was promptly cut off by Obi-Wan, “Is one of the handful of senators, who actually posses a brain and who do not only care for their personal need and profit. She is just a drop in the bucket.”

With these pessimistic words, I watched the ginger haired man turn on his heels and with a dramatic swipe of his robe, he vanished.

“Master...?”

I sighed, “I know Anakin, I know.”

* * *

 

“Anakin, hurry up Padawan!” I yelled through our quarters. Anakin was once again running late for our Council meeting.

“I am ready Master,” the young blonde panted, when he finally stood before me.

I looked him over and with a sigh, I bent down to adjust his robes and tunic. He gave me a sheepish smile and I silently asked the Force if all Padawans hated punctuality, like mine did.

“Have you said goodbye to your mother?” I asked when I was satisfied. We had decided to let Shmi stay with us, until she would leave for Naboo, where she apparently worked for senator Amidala. It had been Obi-Wan’s idea and Shmi seemed happy with the decision.

“I did.”

“Good, then let’s go.”

“Yes Maser,” and he followed me obediently.

 

The Council was not happy when we entered, but to my surprise, their disapproval and anger was not directed at us. Before I could ask however, the great doors swung open and my former Padawan stepped in. Confidently yet looking bored, he bowed his head and stood in the middle of the circle.

“You are late, Knight Kenobi,” Mace Windu said highly annoyed. I was startled at that, Obi-Wan had run three hours late for a Council meeting?

“I am not late Master Windu, for I arrived exactly when the Force intended me to do.”

“Is that so?” the Korun Master asked sceptical. I knew how much Mace hated it to be kept waiting or when his carefully planned schedule was destroyed. “Do you care to indulge the Council what you have been doing the past three hours, when we were expecting your arrival?”

Obi-Wan tilted his head, “I was not aware that I had to report the Council on every step I take... tell me, do you also require a report when I visited the fresher and what I did there?”

Through our bond I could tell that Anakin was torn between laughing and utter shock. I couldn’t blame him, for I had not expected such disrespect. He certainly had developed this attitude himself. I was eccentric and quite the maverick too, but never to such an extent.

The Council obviously was shocked as well. Some of them exchanged surprised and wide eyed glances, others looked utterly scandalised. Mace looked as if a bantha had just run him over and Yoda was as impassive as ever. My former Padawan scoffed and folded his arms over his chest.

“Here to discuss other matters, we are,” the voice of Yoda finally broke through the tension and I could have sworn I saw a strange flicker in Obi-Wan’s eyes when he turned to regard the green troll, but it was gone as soon as it had appeared.

“Indeed,” Mace cleared his throat.

“The Council requests your full report on your discoveries, Knight Kenobi.” I noticed how Adi Gallia emphasised the word Knight. Probably to remember Obi-Wan of his actual place, yet I had the feeling the Knight didn’t care.

“All the information is in the reports I wrote and sent the Council,” Obi-Wan answered.

I sighed mentally. I always hated such mission briefings. When the Council had questions, they should just ask them, instead of going through the already given reports again. Grey-blue eyes turned to me, as if my former Padawan had read my thoughts. Then again, he had already done so ones.

“Still, we would like to hear it,” Adi Gallia continued.

“This is pointless and a waste of time,” Obi-Wan spat, “I have more important things to do!” With that he spun around and I moved out of his way.

Some of the Council members stood up abruptly, “This is great disrespect for the Council, the Jedi and the Code. This will not be tolerated, Knight Kenobi,” one of the elder Council members threatened.

Obi-Wan stopped in the door and actually had the courage to laugh, yet there was no humour in it, “And you actually think I care?” His gaze was challenging. “Tell me, what do you want to do? Banish me from the Order?” he snorted, “As far as I can tell, I already am.” With that he left a few baffled Jedi behind, my Padawan and I included.

 

Anakin’s and my meeting had been postponed, due to recent events and I suddenly had the urge to find my former apprentice. Anakin would go to his mother and show her the temple while I allowed the Force to flow through me and guide me. Before I knew it, I was standing in the training hall, where Obi-Wan was fighting against some training droids. More like demolishing training droids. There was already a crowd gathered, yet Obi-Wan ignored them completely.

Taking a deep breath I approached the young Knight and watched how his orange blade cut through another droid. Since when had he an orange crystal? He stopped his movements and waved the droids to fall back. Only now did I notice that he had discarded his robe, which revealed the black shirt he wore. On his upper arm was a little tattoo and upon closer inspection I could decipher the words ‘Sith happens’. I guessed that it was not only a grim reminder of Naboo, but also a summary of the last three years. I also noticed his old lightsaber resting on his belt and from the looks of it, it had not been altered, which meant he still carried the blue crystal I have gifted him on his eighteenth birthday.

“What do you require, Master Jinn?” an accented and civilised voice asked.

“I was wondering if you wanted to spar with me, instead of slaying innocent droids.” The crowd started mumbling and exchanging glances, yet I ignored them.

Obi-Wan seemed to think about the question for a moment, before he finally came to a decision and shrugged, “I will be careful.”

“I appreciate your concern, but I would prefer it, if you didn’t hold back,” I said with a small smile he didn’t return.

“If I wouldn’t hold back, I would kill you,” the honesty in his words made me shiver and apparently I was not the only one, for a whisper ran through the crowd. Deciding to ignore it for the moment, I quickly discarded my robe as well and got into a battle stance.

To my surprise, Obi-Wan did not follow my example. He simply activated his lightsaber and gazed at me. I somehow knew that he would not be the first to attack, so I took a few steps towards my right and he copied the motion. We circled each other for a moment and the tension in the whole room grew, as well as the number of spectators. Eventually I made the first move and dashed forward.

 

The fight was fast and brutal. I had taught Obi-Wan Ataru, an acrobatic and rather aggressive fighting style. Yet Ataru’s aggression was a joke against the brutality of his attacks. He was fighting me with not only Ataru, but Soresu, Makashi and Vaapad as well. I just wondered who had taught him.

“Master Windu taught me Vaapad while I still was your apprentice,” he answered my unspoken question, “I had asked him, because I had the feeling I needed it. We agreed to not tell you. Soresu and Makashi however, well it was your old Master who taught me.”

“Dooku?” I managed to wheeze out between strong attacks. Our lightsabers collided and we held against each other. I used it to calm my breathing and beating heart and to my dismay, Obi-Wan had not even broken out in sweat.

“Our missions sometimes collided and he gladly taught me,” Obi-Wan stepped back and the attacking began again.

It eventually ended with me lying on my back on the ground, looking up at the man I had practically raised. But then again, was this really the young child I had refused so many years ago? I was surprised when Obi-Wan lowered himself gracefully to the floor, pretty much kneeling on my chest. I could feel his calm and controlled breathing against my ear when he whispered for only me to hear, “That child you refused over and over again is dead. He died years ago, starting with Melida/Daan and ending with the Sith hunt.”

He stood up again and I would have kept lying on the ground, if my former Padawan hadn’t offered me his gloved hand, which I took gratefully. Without further ado Obi-Wan let go of my hand and called his robe to his hands, before motioning for the gaping crowd to step out of his way. Immediately the people parted, I suspected out of respect, but also out of something akin to fear. There was just something about Obi-Wan that put people on edge, yet somehow it did not bother the younglings and Initiates, at least not from what I have gathered. Shaking my head I called my lightsaber back to my hand and attached it to my belt. I didn’t bother to grab my robe, it was too warm for it anyway, which could very well have been from the hard workout I just experienced. My legs felt wobbly, just as my arms and I had no doubt that I would suffer from stiff and aching muscles the next day, yet that didn’t stop me from dashing after my former apprentice.

“Obi-Wan,” I called out for he was already at the end of the hallway. To my surprise he complied and stopped.

“Are you alright?” he asked once I stepped right next to him. There was definitely worry in his voice.

“Yes... I was only used as a rag to clean the floor by my former Padawan, but other than that...”

He scoffed, “You look like you might collapse any minute now.” In all honesty, I also felt this way. I knew I was sweaty and panting heavily, but I didn’t want to let this opportunity slip. “What you just said in the gym...” I trailed off, but I knew he understood nevertheless.

“It was the truth,” he simply stated and resumed walking with his robe thrown over his shoulder.

“How can you say that?” I asked.

He sighed and from the way he held his muscles I knew there was something bothering him. I had expected that from the first time he sat foot in the temple and I was determined to find out what it was. “This is the way of life, the way of a Jedi. The youngling or Initiate dies the minute he has been chosen as a Padawan, for then, begins his journey to become a man. It’s the way of nature, you should know this.”

“Every adult has still a part of his childhood and... childishness in him,” I protested, even though I myself was not the best example for this statement.

My young companion gave me an unreadable expression, “Not everybody... or this galaxy would be a better place.”

“How so?”

“Children are innocent; it is their environment and the adults that shape them in what they become. Make no mistake, in the end it is still their decision. At least most of the time.”

Not being able to take it any longer, I finally blurted out, “How do you do that?” causing Obi-Wan to blink a few times before answering with a question of his own, “What do you mean?”

“How are you able to know what I am thinking even though my shields are fully raised? I just thought about Xanatos and that it would definitely be my fault that he fell, according to what you said about adults shaping the children and then came your second sentence.”

He tilted his head, “Your shields are fully raised...” he repeated as if in trance.

“Obi-Wan?”

A pained smile appeared on younger features, “Your shields are fully raised... and so are Master Yoda’s, Windu’s and the shields of most of the other Masters. But I have no problem shutting their thoughts out... so, what makes you different?” I waited patiently for an answer while we walked through the abandoned temple corridors, “I don’t know.” That answer was not at all what I had expected, nor was it very satisfying, but I knew he was telling the truth.

“You can hear the thoughts of other Masters too, even when their shields are raised?”

“If I want to,” he huffed, “Did you know that it is easier to hear their thoughts when they have shields?” I shook my head, “People tend to feel secure and safe as long as they think they are in control. Even the Council does not watch its thoughts, for they think they are save...”

I suddenly remembered something, “What you said about being already banished from the Order...”  
“That is what some of them thought, yes,” his expression turned serious and he even stopped walking. Grey eyes met mine, “I would appreciate it, if you would keep that for yourself.”

I didn’t even have to think long about it. Obi-Wan used to be my Padawan and in all honesty, I found it amusing to know that the Council could be so easily outplayed. “Thank you,” the accented voice brought me out of my musings. He grinned sheepishly and I could actually see my Obi-Wan in those eyes again.

“Not for that,” and I meant it. I raised my right hand slowly, expecting him to dodge the touch. I hesitated, my hand only a few inches away from his cheek. I didn’t know what I was waiting for, but a look into his eyes gave me the courage I needed to lay my palm on his face, my thumb caressing his cheek. I could have been mistaking, but it felt like he was actually leaning into the touch. Deciding to test out the limits I moved my hand to the back of his head, waving my fingers in those sandy locks and pulling him closer towards me. To my surprise the young man before me allowed it and I soon found myself with an armful of Jedi Knight who was slowly relaxing against my chest, his head resting above my heart. His robe laid forgotten a few feet behind him on the ground.

He raised on of his eyebrows and looked amused up at me, before moving his head. I gave him a questioning look, “It’s like standing right next to a loud drum with your heart racing like this.”

“Well, apparently my former Padawan had decided it was time for his revenge on his poor old Master,” I joked and I could have sworn I heard him mumbling something like, “Not old.”

“What? No lecture on ‘revenge is not the Jedi way’?”

“Not a perfect Jedi,” was said against my chest and I felt him relaxing against me.

I burrowed my nose in his hair, my right hand cradled the back of his head and under my left hand I could feel the muscles of his back relaxing as well.

“There is no perfect Jedi,” I said automatically and he hummed in agreement before closing his eyes, all the aversion from before forgotten. A hundred questions ran through my head, but in the end I settled for, “What’s bothering you little one?”

Instinctively I held my breath, not knowing how he would react to his old nickname. “Too much,” was his only answer, but at least he didn’t pull back, nor did he open his eyes.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I tried my luck. I had him relaxing and opening up to me again, which surprised me actually, for I had no idea how I had accomplished it, especially if you consider what had transpired between us the last time we had interacted.

I did not receive an answer immediately, which did not bother me. I knew he was thinking about the simple question, letting arguments run through his head no doubt. I swear I could even hear the gears working. He finally opened his mouth to answer, but he suddenly opened his eyes and pulled back as if he had been burned. My questioning gaze was on him, when he turned to gather his robe and put it on again. Before I could ask however, footsteps could be heard. Not a moment later the familiar form of Jocasta Nu appeared. I silently cursed the woman for interfering.

“Jocasta Nu... what a joy,” I mumbled so that only Obi-Wan could hear me.

“That’s not Jocasta Nu,” he answered in a neutral tone and to my dismay, his mask was back in place.

“Excuse me?” I asked bewildered, for the female approaching us looked exactly like the stern keeper of the archive. Obi-Wan did not answer however and straightened his robe and watched the approaching Jedi.

“Master,” Obi-Wan and I greeted in unison.

“Ah Master Jinn,” her tone was dismissive. She didn’t particularly like me, which could very well be, because Mace and I had not been the best behaving Padawans back then. She turned to Obi-Wan an interested look on her face, “I fear I do not know who your companion is, Master Jinn.”

“Obi-Wan Kenobi, at your service,” my former Padawan introduced himself and bowed again.

“Ah yes, of course. It is a pleasure meeting you again, young Kenobi. But I fear I have other things to attend to at the moment, which does not mean that I wouldn’t enjoy catching up, how you young people say these days.”  
“It would certainly be an honour Master,” Obi-Wan answered politely and with that the old Master walked away, probably back towards the archives. “I told you that she is not Jocasta Nu,” my companion suddenly said and I turned to look at him.

“She seemed normal to me,” I answered.

“Does she suffer from memory loss?”

“No,” I answered baffled, “I doubt she would be the chief of the library if she did. Why do you ask?”

“Because I talked to her only a few hours ago,” his gaze was challenging as if he expected me to judge and dismiss his observation. Something, I guessed, the Council had done frequently; he HAD been my student after all. That and even though it is not the Jedi way, it was probably the Council’s revenge for all the trouble I had caused them.

“What do you suggest then?” from the look on his face, he certainly had not expected this answer.

“Let’s head towards the archive, but on another way,” he turned around and hurried down another corridor. I quickly followed suit, “What makes you think that the archive is her destination?” I asked genuinely interested.

“The way she moves and talks... it sounds and looks exactly like Master Jocasta Nu and it certainly would look... out of place, if she moved anywhere in the temple in this disguise. Everybody knows that Jocasta Nu’s territory are the archives and what better place to look for information?”  
I hummed in agreement, “What do you think is she after?” I didn’t even know when we had decided that it was actually a she in disguise and not a he.

“Hard to tell, there are a lot of information that could be dangerous in the wrong hands and a lot of information of value. The holocrons for example... do you think she is working alone?”

“Something tells me that you think she has a partner. How come that you know it is a her?”

“Ah,” he grinned, “it’s her Force presence.” He must have seen my confused face, for he continued, “You know that every being is surrounded, connected and touched by the Force. This, for the lack of a better word I will call it aura, this aura varies and is individual as its owner. But the aura of female beings is... softer than that of males. It’s hard to describe, but maybe a picture might help. When a male being is a cube, the female is a sphere, no edges and smother surface, got my meaning?”

I nodded, “I think I know what you are talking about. And you can actually feel the difference?”

“Yes,” he replied hesitantly, one eyebrow raised. He fully knew that I had something else in my mind.

“If this is what I think it is, then you posses a rare gift. Master Yoda can tell you more about it, he is able to feel the aura, as you called it, around people and living beings too. Maybe you should talk to him.”

“I will consider it,” and something told me that he really would.

 

We slowed down when the door to the library finally came in sight. We opened the door carefully and Obi-Wan peeked inside.

“She’s here,” he whispered and I fully trusted his senses even though I couldn’t feel anyone except the man standing right in front of me and even his presence was highly dimmed. Probably something he had developed during his mission. “Discretion is often what decides the outcome of a job.”

“Wise words, my former Padawan,” I whispered right back while we moved on silent feet between the high shelves that contained all the collected knowledge of the Order and a lot more. I almost felt like back in my Padawan days, when Mace and I used to sneak around, either hiding from an angry Jocasta Nu or from Padawan responsibilities.

“I had a good teacher... at least I thought I did, before that last comment of yours.”

I snorted while he gave me a challenging smirk over his shoulder. We had reached the edge of one of the shelves and he was crouching down to look. Not able to resist the challenge, I laid my arms on his shoulder and leaned on him. This had always annoyed him greatly as a Padawan, probably because I used to be able to do so while we both were standing.

“You know what else annoyed me?” he asked.

“No,” I answered, also looking at the supposed Jocasta Nu, who was sitting on one of the monitors, reading something on the display.

“This,” before I could inquire what exactly he meant, I felt something touching my hair and suddenly I was being pulled down by a hard yank on a strands of my greying hair. Only barely could I keep myself from gasping loud and therefore revealing our position and our presence.

“That hurt,” I complained while rubbing over the abused spot on my head.

“Oh please, pulling a Padawan braid is worse.”

The protest was already on the tip of my tongue, when the head librarian began talking, apparently to herself. After closure inspection, I figured that she was talking through a comlink. Thanks to Force enhanced hearing, we were able to hear what she was saying, “Yes, you should come close towards the point... yes, I have deactivated the alarm, but you have to hurry. Through the air shafts, I will give you further directions when you are in.”

“She is leading a house-breaking or in our case, a temple-breaking,” my companion stated matter of fact.

“You think they are here to steal something?”

“What else would they search here?”

“Are you in?” the female’s voice sounded again, “Good, now follow the shaft, I have you on the monitor.”

“You know,” Obi-Wan began and pushed me off of him, “two can play that game.”

With that he had already vanished. I blinked, not quite believing that Obi-Wan had just vanished, but after further inspection I figured that he had just moved very fast.

I turned my attention back to the oblivious woman in Jedi disguise and it was highly amusing to see Obi-Wan casually walking up behind her. He crossed his arms over the back of her seat and leaned his head on it, looking over the shoulder of the poor oblivious woman.

 

The only thing that could be heard in the large rooms was the constant typing of the intruder and I slightly wondered why she couldn’t hear Obi-Wan’s breathing. He WAS standing right behind her. And only mere inches were parting him from touching her.

“You know, the left way is longer, but much safer...” he suddenly said and I saw her features freeze in shock. The rest happened so fast that my brains almost did not recognised what happened. In the blink of an eye, the intruder had stood up, but Obi-Wan was of course prepared for it. With a professional grip near her neck, he had the intruder limb in his arms and was slowly lowering her to the floor.

With interest I watched Jocasta Nu’s features change into the face of a shape shifter and Obi-Wan had indeed been right, when he said that it was a her.

“Hey, are you there?” sounded a voice through her comlink.

“What now?” I mouthed towards my companion, but he ignored my question and reached for the comlink, before seating himself on her now abandoned stool. He cleared his throat, before speaking, “I am here.” It was said in Jocasta Nu’s voice and I was highly impressed by such a skill in Force manipulation.

“What happened?” the scruff and oddly familiar voice demanded.

“Some kid asked me for directions, don’t worry, he didn’t see anything.”

Whoever was on the other side of the line huffed, “Then tell me where I need to go next.”  
“Give me a minute...” Obi-Wan was already scanning the monitor, with me looking over his shoulder. He pointed out a way that would lead the second intruder to a hallway near the archives, where we could easily take him on. I nodded, not quite knowing if it was in approval or understanding and Obi-Wan gave the next directions.

Together we made sure the shape shifter wouldn’t escape, I told one of the Jedi we encountered during our walk towards the ‘meeting point’ to call for backup and secure her and to start a searching party for Master Nu. Without further ado, the unknown Knight did as he was told, which was probably due to my status as a Master and the fact that the famous Sith-Killer was standing right next to me. Speaking of which, Obi-Wan gave me an ugly and narrow eyed stare at the last thought.

 

Standing hidden from the intruder’s view, we waited for his arrival. Obi-Wan seemed absolutely calm and I allowed myself to bath in that comfort to achieve my own serenity. We didn’t have to wait long to hear the movement above us.

“Where now?”

“Down,” Obi-Wan answered in his disguised voice and it was really awkward to see him speaking with a female voice. He shot me a disbelieving stare and I only shrugged.  
“What?” came the gruff reply.

Obi-Wan sighed dramatically, his hand already moving towards his new lightsaber, “You are there genius. There should be a hatch somewhere around you, so open it and jump down.”

“Good, was about time!” the voice complained.

Obi-Wan did not retort anything else, just took the comlink and crushed it in his hand. Meanwhile the hatch of the ventilation system was moving and a moment later, a familiar frame jumped down. The blue bounty hunter, dusted off his cloak and hat and finally straightened, but he froze, when he was met with a corridor.

“Are you sure I am right?” he asked loudly.

“You are,” Obi-Wan said in his own voice again, “In fact you walked right into out trap.”

Cad Bane whirled around, his hands on his blasters, ready to pull them out, but at the sight of two ignited lightsabers, he grimaced. “Kenobi... should have known there was something foul.”

“Nice to see you too Bane, it’s been a while.”

“Can’t say I share your sentiment,” the bounty hunter replied and stared disgruntled and almost in defeat at my former Padawan.

“Backup is already on its way Bane, so just make it easy for all of us and surrender.”

“I hate you, do you know that? You are a pest Kenobi and I’d rather face ten gundarks than you,” he spat out.

“I’m flattered. Now, give us your blasters.”

“Pah!” Bane retorted but did as he was told. I was quite surprised at that and guessed that something between the two must have transpired. There was just no other reason for Bane to act like this.

I could already hear the sounds of moving feet and I knew the called help had arrived. Obi-Wan grinned sweetly at our prisoners, “Always a pleasure seeing you Bane.”

Bane was handed towards Mace, who had looked praising towards me and Obi-Wan, all the anger from the Council session forgotten. My former Padawan simply bowed his head and then excused himself, I quickly followed suit and we were slowly walking aimlessly through the temple again.

“So,” I began lamely, but it caught the younger man’s attention, “not going to make sure he is secured and imprisoned?”

Obi-Wan shook his head, “I am not interested in what is going to happen to him now. I trust the Jedi will deal with him as they see fit.”

I nodded in understanding, “Where exactly are we heading?”

He hummed and shrugged, “Somewhere to relax.”

I stared at him, “Hasn’t the Council assigned quarters to you?”

“Ah, they might have forgotten during the whole commotion yesterday.” I stopped walking and stared at him. He walked a little further, before stopping as well.

“Where did you sleep last night?”

“Master Yoda was so kind to present me with a shelter for the night,” he trailed off.

“Well, that’s convenient.”

“How so?”

“Because you can come with me and sleep in Anakin and my quarters and also, you can keep your promise of having dinner with us,” I knew I was smirking, already reaching the victory line, when I saw him shaking his head in amusement.

“And where am I supposed to sleep? On the floor perhaps,” he huffed, “no, most certainly not.”

“Excuse me?”

“Don’t tell me you haven’t, nice and in love with pathetic life forms as you are, given Mrs Skywalker your bed to sleep, which leaves you as the occupant of the couch and I highly doubt that there is place for me.”

“There is always place for you,” I didn’t know where that had come from. It even startled my young companion for a moment, if his facial expression was anything to go by.

“I appreciate the offer, but-“ I never got to know what he was going to say, for he was interrupted by the beeping of my comlink. I looked apologizing at him, but his neutral and expressionless mask was already back in place. Sighing I took the call.

“I’ve been summoned before the Council,” I offered Obi-Wan, who was leaning against the wall, observing me closely. I almost felt like shifting under the scrutinizing gaze. He eventually nodded and pushed himself from the wall again to resume walking.

“The offer for dinner is still open,” I called before he could escape.

“I fear that I am... otherwise occupied this evening, so... maybe another time.” I simply nodded and he resumed walking, leaving me to stare at his retreating back. Why did I suddenly have the feeling that he would have at least accepted the dinner, had the Council not interfered?

* * *

 

“I am supposed to do what?” I exclaimed scandalised by what the Council had assigned me.

“Qui-Gon,” Mace tried to calm me, but I would have none of that, “He is my former Padawan... I can’t do this.”

“You are our only option Master Jinn,” Adi Gallia said.

“Besides, you are not only doing this for us, but for Obi-Wan as well,” Plo Koon offered.

“Excuse me?” I inquired still too baffled to fully grasp what they were telling me. Did the Council really want me to spy on my own... well, technically he isn’t my own flesh and blood, but he could very well be.

Mace sighed and even Yoda looked sad and hadn’t I known that Yoda could never look that way, I would have said ‘defeated’. “Look, the Council thinks that Knight Kenobi has been in contact with the dark Force for too long. We fear that it has begun infecting him and his way of thinking. You have to admit that the behaviour we saw was not usual for Obi-Wan.”

“What do you expect? He has been away for over three years and once he returns just about everyone wants something from him or they just want to watch or ask him something,” I sighed, “Just give him time to adjust.”

“If it were just that,” Sifo-Dyas spoke up, “he has been behaving... differently, since quite a while now and just like you, Master Windu figured it was only a phase.” I gave Mace a grateful look for watching out and taking care of my legacy. “But it is not a phase, in fact it got even worse.”  
“We cannot bring Obi-Wan to see a mind healer, nor will he allow anyone near him,” Mace explained, “except you.”

“That is why we AND Knight Kenobi need your help,” Plo Koon added.

“For his own good you said...”

“Find out if Obi-Wan has embraced the darkness, you must. Allow him to join it, we cannot. One of us, he is.”

“He is too powerful and unpredictable,” Sifo-Dyas said.

“Is he now?” my tone was cold, as were my eyes when I turned towards the Master, “And whose fault do you think this is? If I remember correctly, it was the Council, who decided that it was a good idea to sent a freshly knighted Jedi, who had barely escaped a battle with a Sith with his life and who almost lost his Master to said Sith, to a long term mission to investigate the dark side and the dark side user!” I had gotten louder to the end of my speech. Some of the Council members looked as if they wanted to protest and defend their decision, but the sound of a certain walking stick on the ground, got our attention.

“The Council’s fault, it was too. Deny that, I will not. But here to make amends, we are.”  
Mace nodded, “Qui-Gon, can we entrust you with this task? You just have to find out what is going on in that mind of your former Padawan and if he might be in danger to succumbing to the dark side. Can you do that?” Why did I have the feeling that they were still not telling me everything? I finally took a deep breath and nodded my approval, “I’ll do it.” I knew that this could backfire, that I could hurt Obi-Wan deeply should he ever find out, but better me than one of the Council members or the mind healers. They would approach differently, more aggressive and I highly doubted that Obi-Wan would appreciate this.

With that I was dismissed from the meeting and with a sick feeling in my stomach and the annoying voice in my head that said I just had committed a giant mistake, I left the chamber to either find my wayward Padawan or my former one.

* * *

 

In the end I ran into Obi-Wan first, quite literally in fact. The impact had been quite hurtful and stupid as well. Both of us had apparently been too deep in thought to register that somebody else was turning around the corner.

“Forgive me Master Jinn,” he had said. Why was he so formal again? We had hugged not so long ago for Force sake.

“It’s also my fault Obi-Wan,” I hesitated, “So, what’s got you so distressed?” I tried to sound casual, but he was so out of it that I doubted he really noticed.

“I fear I have replaced something very important to me.”

I looked down at the distraught Knight with a raised eyebrow. He had his robe, his belt and his two lightsabers, so what could it be that he was missing? “And what are you searching? Maybe I can help you find it?” I offered gently. Almost panicked eyes, they were blue-green as I noticed in delight, settled on me and he completely focused on me for the first time since our run-in.

“Help me find it?” Why did he sound so lost? He shook his head and refocused on me, “You haven’t accidently spotted a... a,” he seemed unusually nervous, “a brown leather book?”

“A book?” I asked, not sure if I had understood him correctly.

“Yes,” he nodded, “it’s my... my journal. You might call it diary too. I... I just don’t want anyone finding, let alone reading it. And I would REALLY appreciate if you wouldn’t tell anybody about this.”

His eyes were looking up at me pleading and I had to swallow a lump in my throat. I had the feeling he had just revealed a very big and important secret to me. Something, he hadn’t shared before.

“I won’t,” and it hurt to tell him this lie, especially when his eyes lit up like the suns on Tatooine. This journal, how he had called it, might just be the thing the Council wanted. Yet I wasn’t thrilled with the idea of giving it to the Council, I’d rather they didn’t get their hands on it.

“Thank you,” he said.

I returned his smile, “Now, where did you last saw it?”

“On my shuttle... I’ve written in it and I KNOW that I put it back in my robe. That and I already checked the shuttle for it.”

“Okay,” I said and laid a comforting hand on his shoulder, “let’s see. It might have fallen out, when you put off your robe before we spared.” He visibly paled, “There were so many people.”

“Hey,” I shook his shoulders, “it could also have fallen out while we were hunting Bane and his companion.” He nodded and only then did I continue, “Listen, I’ll check the training hall and you check the archive. We met before my quarter, alright?”

“Yes... thank you.”

“Not for that,” I gave him an assuring smile and then we parted ways.

 

I hurried to get back to the training hall. With a little luck, there might even be some of the spectators; maybe one of them had seen something. When I arrived, I was greeted by the sight of a few pairs sparing. It looked as if some of them were trying to figure out some of Obi-Wan’s moves, but all were failing miserable. Then I spotted my brown robe, untouched where I had dropped it before the sparing. I picked it up and slit the light fabric over my shoulders.

I looked around further and even though it had to look absolutely silly, I got on all my limbs to look under the benches to search for a leather book. To my dismay I found nothing but a few pairs of boots, a robe that looked like it hadn’t seen its owner for quite some time now and some sad remains of the poor droids Obi-Wan had slain. With a groan I got back up and dusted off my knees. I was definitely getting too old to slip and crawl on the ground like this.

“Are you searching for something Master Jinn?” a young voice behind me asked. I turned around and was greeted by a young human boy, who looked as if he just lost his Padawan braid. I remembered him, he had been standing in the crowd that had surrounded us.

“Ah, might I ask you, if you have seen a brown leather book lying around here, after my sparing fight with Knight Kenobi?”

He thought for a moment, his finger nervously tapping on his arm, “No, no there was definitely no leather book.” I released the breath I had held unconsciously. That meant that none of the audience had taken it.

“Thank you for your time.”

“It was an honour, Sir.” He hesitated and I knew he wanted to say something else, so I waited patiently. I at least owned him this much, “If you don’t mind me asking, do you think Knight Kenobi would help me with some of my lightsaber techniques? I would ask you too, but I know that you have a Padawan, so...” he stopped his babbling.

“I fear that I cannot speak for my former Padawan, but I can assure you that he used to take great pleasure in teaching and helping, especially in lightsaber training. Why don’t you ask him the next time you see him?”

“I don’t know Master Jinn,” he rubbed the back of his head, “He looked like he does not want to interact with people.”

I had thought that too, “If you ask me, I think he just doesn’t want to be stared at, nor does he want to talk about the Sith he encountered and his mission. He IS a very private man,” like I am, “but as long as you avoid personal questions, you should be fine.”

The young brunette smiled and bowed, “Thank you Master Jinn,” and with that he turned and left me alone.

 

Walking through the now crowded corridors, I wondered if it was true what I had said to that young Knight in the training hall. I certainly hope so, it would do Obi-Wan some good to interact with other people again, with other Jedi.

I sighed mentally, making sure that nothing of my current mood would show outwards. I was aware of the groups in the corridor and I was aware that they were whispering about Obi-Wan and probably about our little fight. Some of them even had the audacity to openly stare at me, as if they expected me to answer all their questions regarding the Sith-Hunter. How I wished I could just turn around and tell them my opinion, how rumours and idolizing is not the way of the Jedi and that they should stop bothering my Padawans, the former one as well as my current one. But I knew that this would backfire, so I calmed myself down.

“Master Jinn, on a word,” one of the Jedi was actually brave enough to talk to me. Almost immediately countless eyes settled on me. I didn’t want to be impolite, so I stopped walking and looked at the unfamiliar Jedi before me.

“What can I do for you?” I asked her.

“We were curious about your former Padawan’s latest mission,” she offered. I barely kept myself from rolling my eyes. Who did this people think they were? If they truly were so interested, then they should either wait for the official report that undoubtedly would soon be added to the archives or ask Obi-Wan himself.

“I fear I am as informed as you are on this topic,” I said instead.

Her eyes immediately told me that she did not believe a word I just said, “Come now Master Jinn. Certainly he must have said something, you were his Master after all. I have heard you even spared today and left the training hall together.”

“That is correct, just as the fact that I was Obi-Wan’s Master once. That doesn’t change anything at the fact that we didn’t talk about anything that happened during the last years. Nor did we had any contact during that time whatsoever. Now, if you excuse me, I have an important task to fulfill.” I didn’t wait for a reply and just kept on walking. Nobody followed me and I counted that as a small victory. Of course I would be topic of their talk now too, but that didn’t bother me.

* * *

 

“There you are. I feared you got lost or forgot that we were supposed to meet here,” a familiar accented voice greeted me.

I shot him a mildly annoyed look, “I was held up... You are quite the talk and apparently everybody expects me to have all the answers to their questions.”

His expression darkened, “They are worse than mosquitoes.” I silently agreed to that. “They annoy me with their... un-Jedi like behaviour. I remember you and the Council scolding me when I or my friends acted like this, so why are they tolerating it now?”

“I don’t know,” I answered honestly.

Obi-Wan shook his head and I eventually opened the door so that we both could step in. I was actually quite surprised that no one stood before my quarters just now.

“They did, but I sent Anakin to tell them that the both of us were out of the temple.” I laughed at that.

I discarded my robe, but kept my lightsaber on. Obi-Wan did the same before falling into the soft cushions of my couch, which was now my bed. He buried his face in his hands and his posture was tense.

“I guess you didn’t find your journal?” Obi-Wan shook his head.

Pleading eyes gazed at me, “Please tell me that you found it.” Why was he so panicked about it?

“I fear not, BUT,” I continued before he could fall into another panicked state, “I asked a Knight and he said that there was no book when we left. He was absolutely sure about this.”

“At least something...” He leaned back into the couch with a groan, his gaze turned towards the ceiling. I slowly approached the back of the couch until I was standing right behind him. Wary eyes looked up at me and watched when I settled my hands on his shoulders and started massaging them. A groan of bliss escaped his mouth and he shut his eyes, enjoying the ministration. He really was tense, worse than I had originally thought and I eventually urged him to get out off his shirt and lay down on his stomach on the couch. He complied with a quite some protest, but eventually settled. I was shocked to see the amount of scars on his torso, but I chose not to comment on it, or think about it too much.

He had grabbed the pillow I had used to sleep – and I somehow doubted that that was a coincidence – and used it to lay his head on it, while I climbed onto the old couch as well. I straddled his slender hips and started massaging his back until his muscles fully relaxed under my fingers. I didn’t stop, but I slightly leaned forward.

“Now empty that brilliant mind of yours,” he shot me a look over his shoulder, but I urged him to do as I said. When I was satisfied with the state of his mind, I continued, “Now remember when the ship landed. Try to remember what happened until you left the hangar.”

Obi-Wan nodded. He knew what this was about. I was coaxing his mind to remember the previous day, detail by detail. Normally a Jedi could use meditation for this, but pressing matters needed special treatment. Eventually my young companion confirmed that he had done so.

“I still had it then, which means...” I silently listened to him collecting his thoughts, “I walked towards one of the gardens to meditate and afterwards I went to Master Yoda.”

“You said you slept in the troll’s quarters,” Obi-Wan snorted, “Maybe you forgot it there?” Qui-Gon offered.

My ginger haired companion remained silent for a while. His eyes were open, but not looking anywhere particular. It almost was as if he was in trance, then again, he probably was; experiencing the previous day a second time.

“It was missing when I headed out... its weight was missing. I didn’t notice it before, because Yoda had greeted and bullied me into having breakfast and tea with him.”  
“The troll tends to do such things with the people he cares about,” I said absentmindedly, not knowing if he was relay listening. I finally stopped my ministration and sat up form my slightly hunched position. Stretching I stood again and a moment later, Obi-Wan pushed himself up as well. I offered him his shirt, which he gratefully took. He hesitated with the robe however and unclipped his belt first. It landed with a heavy thump on the living room table. He pulled on his robe next and only when he had pulled up the zip, did he grab the belt again.

“Our next stop will be Yoda’s quarters then,” I said, but my former Padawan did not seem to share my sentiment.

“How are we supposed to get in, without Yoda noticing?”

I didn’t have to think long, “You could go to the Room of a thousand Fountains. The green troll should be there now. Engage him in a conversation and I will see what I can do.”

“Why do I need to go to him?”

“I would look suspicious if I were to go. Besides, I don’t know what I should talk with him about, but I trust you to find something. Maybe your developed skill with the Force?”

Grey-blue eyes regarded me for a moment and it felt as if they were looking directly into my soul. “What’s in for you?”

I blinked, “Excuse me?”

“People don’t do things without benefitting from them. What are you seeking? My approval perhaps? That I simply forget what has transpired between us during our last mission? Or maybe you want me to spill everything to you?” He crossed his arms over his chest.

I forced my mind to remain blank and calm, “I am doing this for you, Obi-Wan. Do you truly think so little of me?”

“I think little of humanity in general,” his voice was cold.

I sighed, “I was wondering,” his eyebrow rose, “that journal of yours seems to be very important to you. You said it was some kind of diary, therefore it must contain some of your deepest thoughts and secrets. It is only natural for you to keep it safe and out of other’s hands... but try to get into my position. It... unsettles me that you can read my mind without even trying. Are you sure you cannot do anything against it?”

His gaze softened slightly and even his posture relaxed. I waited for him to answer. One of his hands started stroking his beard in thought. I found the sight endearing, Obi-Wan had truly grown up to be a good looking man.

“If you say so,” it took me a moment to realise that he was referring to my thoughts. He sighed, “I could try and build up special shields in your mind, but I don’t know if this will really help.”

“Do it,” I said. I DID want my thoughts to be a little more private again.

He motioned for me to come closer and I complied so almost without hesitation. He held my face between his hands, his eyes locking with mine, but once more not seeing me. I waited anxiously for something to happen, for an uncomfortable sensation, for the intrusion of my mind, for anything but nothing came.

“You have to relax,” Obi-Wan eventually said and I complied blushing. He was not only referring to my tense muscles, but to the strong shields I had build up unconsciously. Of course he wouldn’t break through them just like this, even though I had no doubt that he could. It was some kind of hunch I felt. I lowered my shields enough for Obi-Wan to enter my mind. It felt right to have him back there. After our bond has been severed, I had been still unconscious when it happened, it had felt like something grave had been missing.

I opened my eyes when I felt him building shields, I had not even noticed closing my eyes in the first place. It went astonishing fast and for one second I thought I had seem a yellow gleam in his eyes, but it had vanished as soon as it had appeared and I eventually blamed it on the light.

Obi-Wan stepped away once he was finished and I curiously pounded against the new shields. They felt... right and wrong at the same time. Right because they had Obi-Wan’s presence, but also wrong because they did not naturally belong there. I would have to get used to them.

“Well... did it work?”

He closed his eyes for a moment and I could feel him trusting against the barricade as well. “Yes, it did,” he sounded contend with himself and I thanked him. He waved my gratefulness away and exited my chambers then, for he really wanted to get his journal back.

 

We walked through the corridors together. We would have to part soon enough anyway. Yoda’s quarters were not too far from the Rooms of a thousand Fountains, but I would make a small detour, to avoid being spotted. We dodged the other Masters with some effort. Obi-Wan had darkened his aura, I didn’t know if he had done so consciously or just as a natural protection, but at least it worked. Most Jedi stayed away from us and those who didn’t, were quickly told that we had other things to do.

I barely kept myself from sighing out loud. I was glad that Obi-Wan was well respected in the Order, but I could see that he hated the attention. I couldn’t blame him. These were the same people who had looked at him with disgust and disdain when he still had been an Initiate or my Padawan and now he suddenly was their hero.

“Knight Kenobi, Knight Kenobi,” a young voice called out and to my surprise Obi-Wan actually stopped to greet the newcomer. It was a young Initiate from the looks of it.

“What can I do for you?” he asked in a calm tone.

The young Mirialan girl blushed and a group of Initiates behind her giggled behind their hands. I raised an eyebrow at their antics. I had the feeling they had planned something.

“I... I want to tell you a secret,” the girl blushed even more, her green skin darkening into a deep red.

“A secret,” my former Padawan sounded genuinely surprised.

She nodded and hesitantly motioned for him to come closer. Obi-Wan exchanged a quick glance with me. I shrugged in response to his unspoken question, I had absolutely no idea what this was about either.

“Alright,” Obi-Wan eventually agreed and knelt down, causing the girl to smile sweetly at him. The little group of Initiates had stopped laughing and were looking eagerly at their young Mirialan friend. I somehow got the feeling that this was going to be... interesting.

The Mirialan girl stepped forward, into Obi-Wan’s personal space, which he allowed calmly. She seemed to hesitate for another moment, Obi-Wan waited patiently, and then she leaned forward to... to kiss my former Padawan on his cheek. I laughed at the comical sight of Obi-Wan, kneeling baffled on the ground with a young Initiate standing before him. She was completely red from embarrassment by now. Her friend were cheering and laughing behind her.

“I’m terribly sorry,” she muttered embarrassed, but before she could flee, Obi-Wan had grabbed her wrist. She looked surprised and even a little afraid at my Padawan, who apparently had gotten over his shock. He smiled reassuring at her, before grabbing her chin and slightly turning her head. He too leaned forward and planted a quick kiss on her cheek. She giggled, no doubt because the beard tickled, and gave my companion a sweet and adoring smile.

“Will you tell me your name?” Obi-Wan asked friendly.

“Barriss, my name is Barriss Offee.”

“It is an honour meeting you, young Barriss,” with that the young Mirialan was released again and she ran to her friends, who greeted her into their midst and were asking all kinds of exciting questions.

“It seems you have found yourself an admirer... or several,” I added when I saw the giggling girls around Barriss.

“Well,” Obi-Wan said while dusting off his trousers, “certainly more than you... mine are also younger and sweeter than yours.”

“What?”

He laughed, “Do I need to remind you of the incident on...”  
“No!” I exclaimed. I exactly remembered the mission he was referring to. We had to guard a duchess, who literally clung to me as soon as she had seen me. I would not say she was ugly, but... she was certainly not my type.

“I thought so,” Obi-Wan retorted cheekily and with a last wink at his new friends, he turned and continued walking, ignoring all the incredible stares he received from fellow Knights and Masters. I was left to trail behind him.

“I still would like to know what this was all about,” I muttered more to myself than for him to hear.

“I guess it was a dare.” He continued at my raised eyebrow, “My friends and I did that too when we were young.”

I hummed in thought. That explained a lot...

* * *

 

I looked around for what felt like the hundredth time, checking if truly nobody was coming this way. Finally satisfied and with the reminder of my important task, I opened the door to Yoda’s quarters. I quickly checked the room and upon deciding that it was save, I stepped in, shutting the door behind me again. I didn’t want to take any risks of being spotted rummaging through the Grandmaster’s rooms, without said Master knowing or present.

My attention was immediately fixed on a comfortable looking couch. The blanket and pillows on it were slightly dishevelled and I guessed that this must have been Obi-Wan’s sleeping place. Sleeping place sounded a bit wrong, but so did the fact that he slept in Yoda’s quarters and not in mine. I knew we could make place for him there... then again, he DID deserve some rest and privacy and it probably would be for the best if he got his own quarters. I would help him move his things from my quarters then, I silently decided.

 

Carefully I stepped forward. I had decided to inspect the couch first. It was the most likely place the book could have vanished. Obi-Wan had probably written in it, laid it next to him and it fell either under the couch or between the cushions. Sighing I crawled over the floor for the second time that day and to my dismay the journal was not there either. Staying on my knees, I held out my hand and summoned the Force. I guided the blanket and the pillows to hover a few metres over me and continued my search in the gaps, trying my hardest not to think of what might be lingering there.

Suddenly my hand came into contact with something solid and I grabbed it and pulled it out. It turned out to be a brown leather book, exactly the object I had been searching for. The blanket and the pillows landed back where they had been previously and I pulled myself up and walked into the kitchen. I seated myself on one of the larger chairs and inspected the book for a moment. I knew it was wrong and that I shouldn’t do this, but this little troublemaker could very well be the solution to my mission.

I took a deep breath and opened the book on the first page. It only read _For Obi-Wan_ , in a neat handwriting, but I already felt like intruding something sacred and personal and in a certain way, it was.

I carefully turned another of the pages of the dog-eared book. It looked like it was well used and had seen one or two bad situations. I could see that some pages were stained with an unknown fluid. Others were torn or hastily scribbled on, with what looked like Obi-Wan’s normally elegant handwriting.

Turning my attention back to the first used page, I read:

 

_Day 1:_

_I guess I should start with ‘dear diary’?_

_What am I even doing here? Well, I decided to finally make use of the present Bant has given me shortly after Qui-Gon had taken me as his apprentice..._

_Great, I’m doing it again, aren’t I? Thinking of HIM I mean..._

That had hurt. Why would Obi-Wan not want to think of me... it would be easier to understand if he had written actual dates down...

_Oh Force... I should start with something else... Ok, deep breathe Kenobi. So, why am I even doing this? Bant once told me that she had written a diary too. It contained all her secrets, wishes and fears. She called it self-therapy and I might be in need of one now. Now that I think of it, I could have needed it sooner, like a lot sooner. When I was about thirteen... STOP I am doing it again._

_As I was saying, or rather as I was writing, I guess I am doing this for myself. To let my emotions out, those I somehow cannot release into the Force._

_There would be fear for example. A very very bad emotion. I fear for... HIS life, I am refusing to write his name now. I don’t want to go there (again). _

_I also fear what will happen to the Jedi Order now that the Sith have returned and I am afraid for myself. This is the first day of my newly assigned solo mission. My solo mission as a full Knight of the Order and I still cannot believe it._

Now I had a date to go by.

_I am also angry. Angry at HIM for being a jerk. A jerk, that’s what he is! A heartless and stupid and mean and... what am I actually writing? He is no jerk... alright, maybe he is. But he ~~is~~ WAS my Master, my mentor, my father figure I guess. Not sure about the last one though. I don’t know what a father is supposed to do, to say, but I guess it is quite similar..._

_*Sigh* Look at me... or rather not. I am a mess and I need help and I don’t know what to do!_

“Obi-Wan,” I said sadly. I wished not for the first time that I had awakened before he was shipped away. Maybe I could have made things right between us, maybe I could have helped him sort this out.

_I am heading to Naboo, searching for any clue to the remains and whereabouts of the other Sith. Master Yoda and Windu said there are always two, a Master and an apprentice. I wonder, was the Zabrak the apprentice? I certainly hope not. He was already bad enough and what kind of man must the Master be to create such a monster?_

_I should better not think about it too much. It is late and I am heading to bed I guess... so... goodnight?_

If it hadn’t been for the content I would have laughed at Obi-Wan’s clumsiness with writing a diary. Then again, it was not really common for Jedi to do so.

I quickly checked the chrono and decided I still had some time without looking suspicious and I turned a little further in his irregular entries.

 

_Day 25:_

_It’s hot and it’s sandy. I won’t write more, this planet does not deserve more. If I am truly honest, there is not much else to write about Tatooine anyway, except that HE found Anakin here. Or Bratakins, how Quinlan likes to call him. Honestly, Quinlan is so uncivilised. It’s not like it is Anakin’s fault that I am here now. _

_Whatever, I had a VERY pleasant talk with a Toydarian called Watto... why did HE not just call me? HE should know that I am better in mind tricks... *sigh* I shouldn’t concentrate on the ‘what ifs’ like Master Yoda would undoubtedly say._

_I have only found a cold track so far, but maybe it will lead me to something... we’ll see._

“Great, he is not even writing my name...” I sighed. What have I done to him? I didn’t need to think long to answer this question, but I didn’t want to. Not now, I could leave the self hate for later.

 

_Day 33:_

_Freed Shmi Skywalker today. She is a really nice person, kind hearted and the motherly type. Well duh, Kenobi. Of course she is the motherly type, she IS a mother for Force sake._

_I used a mind suggestion on Watto and he immediately accepted the credits ~~the Council sent me~~ , I saved over the years. I knew it would come in handy some day. I plan to bring her to Naboo, Padme had immediately agreed to keep her save. _

_(Have I mentioned that Padme and I are close friends now? It kind of happened over night... NO, definitely not what you are thinking now. We are friends, nothing else! I think she might like Anakin a little too much though.)_

I didn’t even allow myself to think about this entry too much. I skipped a few more pages and entries until I stumbled upon a familiar name. A VERY familiar name and my curiosity took over...

 

_Day 153:_

_Satine contacted me again today. She is still keeping an eye out for me. ~~I think it is rather cute.~~ She is still a very fierce woman and I think I might be falling in love with her... screw that, I KNOW I am falling in love with her. ~~If I were no Jedi...~~ No attachments, no love, no emotions!_

_ There is no emotion, there is peace! _

_I wish it were so. But I am human, every human has emotions. I should meditate on it, when I have the time. I however should not allow my emotions for her to grow or develop... I don’t want it to end like it did with Tahl and HIM._

_Anyway, her sister advised me that I should start writing songs, poems or whatsoever... she says it helps dealing with... problems. I consider it... maybe._

_I still have no real lead to the Sith. There are only rumours, but in every rumour lies a little bit of truth. Maybe I should look more into it... I am troubled however that the Council will not be satisfied with my results. They have hinted that they were not happy... Well? What am I supposed to do in their eyes? I can’t snap with my fingers and have the answers! If they are not satisfied then why don’t they sent HIM out? I am sure he and his Padawan (Garen had told me that Anakin did indeed became HIS Padawan) would be much more suited for this task._

I wondered were all those dark thoughts were coming from.

_It’s been more than five months now since I started this... hunt. I am surprised how many Jedi contacted me, trying to offer me support or hints. Not that I need that, thank you very much. They didn’t help me when I needed help and now I don’t want it. Sith-Killer my ass. If this is all what they see when they look at me or hear my name, then I’d rather have them not remember me at all. Being knighted for killing somebody was worse enough._

_Speaking of knighting... Master Dooku had been... flattered, I think, when I asked him to cut my braid. It seemed right back then. HE had been Dooku’s Padawan after all. I think Dooku kept it... or he is trading it with Master Yoda, I am not quite sure about it, nor do I really care._

Should I go and ask Dooku about the braid? It is not my place to ask for it... no, I didn’t earn it and when Obi-Wan does not speak of it, I will not ask for it.

_I wonder if HE is alright, if he had woken up... I miss him... I know I shouldn’t, I know that he will be otherwise occupied with his little Chosen One..._

 

His hand had trembled at the end and the rest of the text was unreadable due to the trembling and single drops that had fallen onto the paper and soaked it until the ink smeared. I didn’t need to be a genius to know what had happened and I could feel my little boy’s hurt as if it were my own.

 

I took a shaky breath and willed away the tears that had started to form in my eyes. I quickly shut the book and fled the quarters to find my former Padawan. He was still sitting with Yoda, but when I entered, his eyes searched mine and I held up the journal triumphantly. He nodded his head and even from the distance I could see the tension leaving his shoulders. I sat myself far away from them. A small waterfall bubbled to my right and I enjoyed the sound of it. It hurt what I had read and I knew I had to keep reading, but not now. I needed time to clear my thoughts and to meditate on it first. That and I would need to wait for another opportunity.

* * *

 

I silently thanked the Force that Anakin and his mother had been assigned a shared quarter and that Obi-Wan was placed with me again for the time being. I had the great suspicion that the Council was involved, but I did not comment on it and neither did Obi-Wan. In fact, he and I did not talk much anyway, since most of the time my former Padawan was nowhere to be found. I would see him for breakfast though he would not eat anything and I would see him for dinner. If I was lucky, we would cross once or twice in the corridors, but he would vanish before I could engulf him in a conversation. It was frustrating to say at least, but I didn’t know how to approach him.

 

Yawning and stretching I left my bedroom, only to freeze at the picture before me. Obi-Wan was sleeping soundly on my living room couch, cuddled into a pile of blankets and pillows. I double-checked the chrono again, just to make sure if I hadn’t accidently woken up earlier and to make sure I was not still dreaming. You couldn’t read letters or numbers in sleep after all.

But neither of the two things applied, in fact it was even later than usual. Yet here he was, peacefully sleeping, completely oblivious to the world. I couldn’t stop myself from smiling slightly and I carefully made my way towards him. He looked so relaxed, so young and almost vulnerable. He looked so much like the young boy I had taken as a Padawan all those years ago. I carefully reached out to push a few strands of hair back, which had fallen into his face. Obi-Wan stirred slightly under my hand and blue-green eyes peeked up at me.

“Good morning,” I greeted him.

He mumbled something incoherent, before grabbing my wrist and closing his eyes again. I chuckled at the unusual sight and caressed his cheek.

“Rough night?” I asked and he hummed in reply.

“What’s the time?” he slurred, voice heavy from sleep.

“The tenth standard hour,” before I had even finished my sentence, he had sat up, eyes wide.

“What?” he asked and checked the chrono himself, “Shit!” and with a jump he was up and hurrying towards the fresher.

I chuckled again, this was so typically Obi-Wan. Deciding to hurry myself, I quickly prepared something to eat that my former Padawan could take with him. I knew he wouldn’t eat otherwise, and I handed it to him when he passed the kitchen.

He blinked confused between me and the bag in his hand that contained his breakfast or lunch or whatever. “Thank you,” he eventually said.

“Be careful,” I replied and the next moment he was already out of the door, leaving me behind.

I turned back to the chaos in the kitchen, only to be stopped by the state of the living room. Shaking my head I went to clean up the mess of blankets and pillows first.

 

Upon picking up the blanket that was still warm from Obi-Wan cocooning himself in it, something fell to the floor with a thud. I folded the blanket and then turned towards the object that turned out to be Obi-Wan’s journal. Wouldn’t that be the perfect opportunity? But what if he returns, because he noticed that it was missing? Or did he leave it here intentionally?

I eventually settled with eating and cleaning the kitchen first. If Obi-Wan had not returned by then to pick it up, I would take a look at it. I still wanted to hit myself for prying in his privacy like this, but this was better than having the Council to search one’s mind, wasn’t it? Yeah, that’s it Jinn, just give yourself enough reasons to that you can live with yourself better. Force, I am pathetic.

 

Obi-Wan hadn’t returned after I was finished and I thought it save to pick the journal back up and to walk into my bedroom with it. I didn’t know why I did that exactly, but it gave me a feeling of security.

 

_Day 192:_

_About that no attachment rule... Well, I guess I haven’t broken it. Or maybe I did? I am not sure. ~~Maybe I should talk to Master Yoda about this?~~ _

_Yeah... I think I need to bring some distance between me and Satine, like REAL distance between us. A few systems would do the trick... might be too late for that though. I mean, it was not intentional, I... it was cold and we were outside and... well, we were alone... ~~Why is this so hard?~~ Nope, THAT is definitely not what I meant. Argh... help? Somebody?_

_At least we were using protection, right? I don’t know why she had that with her though... Oh Force, maybe it WAS intentional? At least on her part? And I fell for it... for her..._

_I’m fucked up and NO this pun was not intended either. ~~Ugh, this is SO embarrassing!~~ I need someone to talk to, somebody real not just this book. I could talk to Padme...?_

_Why is this happening to me?_

I couldn’t quite believe what I was reading here. My Obi-Wan, the innocent and rule following child had formed an attachment? With Satine Kryze nonetheless... I didn’t know what to think. I somehow doubted that this was a real attachment. It was love, but love did not mean that you are attached. I was, but Obi-Wan is not me. I sighed. If this is what makes him happy then so be it. If he is happy, so am I. I just wish we could have talked back then. I would have said him the same things... in different words however. I could have offered him a shoulder to lean on... I could have offered him my support. But the Force had other plans with us.

_Day 276:_

_I know, it’s been a while since I last wrote something. But there is simply nothing to write about..._

_I talked with Satine quite a while ago, we agreed that duty comes first, but we will not walk separate ways, not now. I am grateful for her... well, for her just being there. It helps, a lot. Sometimes I feel like the whole galaxy is against me and then Padme and Satine are the only people who stand beside me. Sometimes that is still not enough._

_It’s all so damn frustrating. It is as if the Sith have simply vanished, as if they never existed in the first place. There is no trace, nobody knows him and I have no lead..._

_I don’t even have a dead body to work with for Force sake. Granted, I wouldn’t work with it, but rather let somebody else take a look, but still. Nothing. Even the rumours were false._

_*sigh* What am I supposed to do? I asked the Force for guidance and it urged me to be patient. Thank you! That is totally helpful and will definitely help me keep the Council satisfied. Not that I really care anymore. I actually don’t listen to their lectures anymore, it’s always the same content anyway..._

_Quite ironic, isn’t it? My whole apprenticeship I tried to be the perfect Padawan, the perfect Jedi. I tried to follow the rules and to listen to what the Council said. And now that I am a Knight... I guess I have lost my fear of being rejected. I have been rejected, before the whole Council thank you very much, but in the end I did become a Knight, so... why stick to everything the Council dictates? I sound just like ~~HIM~~ Master Dooku. He has offered me some extra training in Soresu and Makashi and I am actually considering it. Sadly our meeting was brief, but he left with the promise to train me. Can’t wait for it... maybe I’ll get some kind of order back in my life then._

I was wondering why Dooku had shown so much interest in my former Padawan. Was it just the fact that Obi-Wan was my legacy or did he really care? Maybe there is a completely different reason whatsoever. I should ask him... or Obi-Wan.

Yet somehow I doubted that Dooku did this for a bigger reason. He might seem cold and uncaring, but behind the hard shell hides a soft core. Maybe he just offered my former Padawan a shoulder to lean on. Kept an eye on him... I should thank him for doing my job.

_Day 280:_

_Apparently the Force doesn’t hate me as much as I thought it did. Or maybe Dooku joining me in my meditation helped, I am not sure, nor do I really care. I am grateful to the man for being there, while the other Jedi seem not interested. They offered help, but not the help I need or want. Besides, I am not a trophy or some celebrity... I won’t spent time with them so they can tell their fellow Jedi that they indeed spent time with the ‘great Sith-Killer’. How I hate them. No, that’s not right. I don’t hate THEM, I hate how the treat me, especially if you consider they didn’t want to have anything to do with me at first. The Padawans, Initiates and younglings are a different matter whatsoever. Of course some of them worship me too, but they are innocent. They are not so ignorant like the adults. They are not to blame that I was sent to Bandomeer..._

_Speaking of which. Who does the Council even think they are? Sending young children to do farm work? Crushing the dreams and hopes of young people... the Council IS rotten. No wonder the number of Jedi is shrinking, even if they try everything to cover this fact. I have the proof, thanks again to Master Dooku. Next time they deem it fit to lecture me on how to do my job, I am going to turn the tables. It is about time the ‘great and wise’ Council retires and makes place for some new people. What do those old bastards think they are doing? Why are Jedi Masters not allowed to have two Padawans? HE could have taken Anakin as his second apprentice and I could have helped the boy learn. I went through this whole mess too after all. Would it really be so hard to change those damn rules? I mean, everyone would benefit from it. Neither Padawan would get too spoiled, they could help each other and it shouldn’t be much more work for the Master. He could order his Padawans to spar against each other for example. And last but not least, the Order would grow again..._

_*sigh* Dooku is right, the Jedi Order is doomed if things don’t change soon!_

_Alright... enough about that now... great, I am going to need to meditate again to release the frustration. Whatever..._

I was surprised about how worked up Obi-Wan had gotten about such a trivial matter. But there was truth in his words. Why was a Master only allowed to take one Padawan... why indeed? Anakin could definitely have benefitted from having an older Padawan brother at his side. I could have benefitted too, Obi-Wan could have taught him basics for example and he in turn would have experienced at least a little bit on how it was to train a young spirit.

But I guess this would be too much like building a family and as we all know, the Council is afraid of love and attachment. Fear leads to the dark side... maybe the Council should heed its own advice once in a while.

 

_I met a strange pilot today. He told me something about the Nightsisters, a group of... witches. Well, whatever they are, they live on Dathomir and there is a high chance that my little friend has come from there too. I guess it is worth a shot, I have nothing to lose but time after all... and I think I have enough time to spare._

_Day 312:_

_I am seriously considering doing somersaults and whatsoever. The trip to Dathomir was definitely worth the effort. I was surprised how... friendly the Mother was. The Mother is something akin to the clan’s leader. A group of women, you could have guessed that because of the name, who practice strange arts of the dark side. I was hesitant at first, but they posed no threat to me. The Mother actually invited me to stay and to see where Maul was from. I had agreed because the Force had urged me to. In the end I learned that a man, who calls himself Darth Sidious, had asked the Nightsisters for an apprentice. They had agreed and transformed one of their brothers, a Zabrak out of the males’ village into what I fought on Naboo. Almost at least, of course Sidious trained him in the arts of the Sith. And here I had hoped that Maul had been the Master..._

_I had asked the Mother why she told me all of this, why she helped me, even though she KNEW that I had defeated Maul. She had told me that I had earned it with defeating him. Apparently it is an unwritten law that, whoever defeats one of their own in a fair battle, takes his or her place. At least if they were worthy... and apparently I am. Well, would you listen to that. I am a member of a group of people, who practice dark arts, isn’t that just great?_

_The Mother offered me further help and a haven to travel to, but in exchange I would need to take... sessions... with her. I have absolutely no idea what she means by this and I might attend one today... just out of curiosity._

_I could be worth, the Nightsisters could be important allies... well, we’ll see._

I furrowed my brow. I had never heard of a group that called itself ‘Nightsisters’. Maybe I should take some notes? With a sigh I stood up from my bed and walked towards my desk to retrieve my datapad. I quickly copied the most important information about my latest research and created a memo so that I would remember to look for Nightsisters later.

I was about or put the datapad away again, but then I hesitated. Maybe I should also tell the Council about the doubts the ginger haired man is starting to harbour... but they would take it the wrong way. I know they would. Obi-Wan Kenobi was my Padawan once, of course he would develop a rebellious and questioning side, but I know the Council would disagree with me on that. Shaking my head I finally put the datapad away. There was no reason to tell the Council about Obi-Wan’s disagreement with them... at least not yet.

 

I started to fidget on my mattress. The feeling of wrongness was getting worse with every word I read. But I couldn’t stop now, could I? The Council has assigned me a mission after all... I sighed. If I were a better man I would just go to my former Padawan and tell him all about it...

 

_Day 335:_

_I shouldn’t have agreed to participate in the first session with the Mother. I should have known that it was merely a trap. Well, at least no real harm was done._

_I don’t know the reason behind the sessions, but I know their purpose. The Mother had taught me about her culture and the dark side. It was... an interesting experience. To say the least. The way she described it, the darkness is not evil. It offers power and exactly that is the problem. Power corrupts people and the corrupted are evil in the eyes of the society. At least that is what she said. I am not sure about this though. Granted, I felt no ill will during my stay here, but I cannot shake off this feeling of uneasiness._

_I would be better if I leave Dathomir for now. I have found what I came looking for and now I had a name and a few information thanks to the mother. She gave me some contacts of the Sith... But more interesting is the location of a hidden Sith temple the Mother has given me. I don’t know how, but somehow it has caught my attention. The Force tells me to go there too... well, we’ll see how this is going to turn out in the end._

A Sith temple? I sighed and created another memo on my datapad. I knew a few basic things about Sith temples. They were tricky and full of traps. Sometimes the darkness of their former inhabitants was still in the walls and more than ones a Jedi has lost his sanity in one of those temples. They looked harmless and nothing would feel amiss, at least that is what the reports stated, but when you showed them where you were vulnerable, you have lost. The darkness is treacherous and sneaky and would do anything to corrupt even the brightest spirits. Maybe this is why Obi-Wan was acting so strangely? He sometimes seemed to drift off, as if he was a completely different person.

“Oh Force,” I spit out shocked. Obi-Wan’s mind and state of emotions had already been instable at this point. I only prayed that he had been strong enough to withstand the evil and the darkness that had undoubtedly lurked in that temple.

 

_Day 391:_

_At least I think it is the 391 st day since I started my little adventure. Everything is a blur right now. Sometimes I can’t even tell up from down._

_Why have I entered this cursed Sith temple alone in the first place? I should have brought someone with me... maybe I wouldn’t be trapped here then, or we would have already escaped..._

_I am just thankful that I have enough to eat and drink with me... that and this temple was well stocked too. I have refused from touching anything here yet. But my resources are getting pretty thin._

_Now, after two months, I start to feel the darkness everywhere and even in the smallest rock._

_Hell, why did the Force sent me here? Was this supposed to be a punishment? If it was, then it was a good one. I want to get out of here!_

_Day 395:_

_Darkness, there is nothing but darkness and the screams of souls that were tormented here. If I don’t get out soon, my voice will join those tormented souls. I feel like the walls are closing in on me. I have stayed on the upper level of the temple up until know. At least here the darkness... changes. It was sometimes lighter and sometimes darker. I guess that somewhere has to be an opening that allows at least some light to get in. Not that this is a real comfort. No, my only comfort is the lightsaber on my belt and even this is pathetic._

_As I hinted, I didn’t walk deeper into the temple than this level. I am too scared. I know I am not alone here, I have seen shadows and movements. At first I thought it was just my wild imagination or the remains of a tormented soul, but I knew better now. Whatever it is... it felt familiar. I thank the Force and whoever else wants to listen that I have not come into real contact with that thing. Up until now, there are bars separating us, but I know that thing is looking for another way to get to me. I felt its murderous intent. It is out for blood, my blood to be exact. I am so fucking scared right now! I know it is not befitting of a Jedi to let emotions take control, but I honestly doubt that a Jedi has been trapped in a Sith temple for so long..._

_Shit! I think I heard that thing again. Sometimes there is a scratching noise, I have first heard it when I found myself almost eye to eye with that thing. It had been too dark to really see anything except a pair of yellow eyes, but that had already been enough for me. Fuck! It is just a matter of time until it finds another way and I will be trapped then. I need to get out of here! Now! ...If there was just somebody who would help me! But there is no one... I am alone with a killer and... I think the scratching sound has come nearer. Yes, it is definitely closer. No! This can’t be happening..._

His writing became hasty and it was hard to read.

_Just in case I won’t survive the following hours and just in case another poor soul will ever enter this hell hole and stumble upon this diary... please take it to the Jedi temple on Coruscant, if it still exists then. Give it to Master Yoda, Jard Dooku... or even Qui-Gon Jinn or Anakin Skywalker. I don’t really care. I just want to say I’m sorry I guess._

_Day 400:_

_Master, please...where are you? Master! Please, I need you. Please... I promise I will be a better apprentice. I promise I’ll do whatever you want me to do... Just please...get me out of here. I can’t take it anymore... IT is getting nearer! I’m so scared. Please Qui-Gon, find me!_

With a jump I was on my feet, the journal lay abandoned on my bed. I hid my face in my hands and tried everything to calm my erratic breathing. I couldn’t go on. It was so terrible to read how my Padawan had suffered. Why was the Force so cruel? He didn’t deserve that. It should have been me in his place instead... and hearing him cry out for me – and I could imagine how it must have sounded and looked – was absolutely heartbreaking.

I took a few deep breathes, but it wasn’t really helping. My body was trembling and I had great problems keeping it together. I was just glad that I had closed my bond with Anakin before starting to read. The boy would be devastated by now.

I took me full fifteen minutes to bring myself back under control. Only then did I pick up the book again. This would have been even worse, if I did not know that my child had escaped his prison. On the other hand... did he really? He did physically, but what about his mental health?

I didn’t want to continue reading, but another part of me needed to know what happened next. I wanted to know how he had gotten out of the temple, but at the same time I didn’t want to know. Did this make sense? It did to me. So I hesitantly sat back on the bed, putting my blanket around myself and looked back at the book.

The next page was hard to decipher. Suspicious red spots were mixed with the black ink and I didn’t need to guess what that substance was. The question was, where did it come from?

 

_Day 411:_

_It’s so fucking bright and I think I have never been so fucking happy and exhausted in my whole life. I am sitting on some strange rock formation, literally bathing in the sun. It took me quite some time until I could see again, but it had been worth it._

_I am out, I am finally out. I don’t know how I have done it, but I am out!_

_I also know what the ting in there was. My greatest nightmares come to live... not quite. Apparently he didn’t die in the first place. Maul... for Force sake, it had been the remains of Darth Maul. Now everything made sense. Why there was no dead body... there was none because he wasn’t dead. It was gruesome... he was even more of a monster than before. Insane and totally out of it. His lower half had been made out of old droid parts, but at least he hadn’t possessed a lightsaber like before. This time, I even made sure that he WAS dead and that he would remain so._

_Force, I feel so dirty know. It all happened in a haze. I remember the scratching noise approaching, fast. I was on my feet the next moment, lightsaber ignited and it was so fucking bright. I have no idea how he finally got through, but Maul had been standing there, right in front of me. For a moment I thought that I was dreaming. But I wasn’t. That much was clear when he hit me... I might lose that eye... but fuck I am out!_

_I fought Maul a second time... as I said, I don’t really know happened next. It just... happened. The next thing I remember however, is standing above his beheaded and bleeding form. I don’t think this is a good sign. And I can’t quite believe that I really did this. I think I was considering what I should do with the dead body, but the temple took matters in its own hands. And I mean that. There was absolutely no reason for it to collapse on Maul’s remains. And oh Force... there was so much blood. And other things I don’t want to name. My stomach is still spinning from the thought of it._

_With Maul’s... death, the temple seemed satisfied. I mean, I could feel its satisfaction in the air. It was as if the temple was alive somehow. It sounds crazy and maybe I am crazy, totally insane probably, but I actually felt the temple. However, some hidden door has opened itself... itself! And I just ran out and then there was so much light. It was surreal, I am still not sure if I’m really out. It’s too good to be true._

_I should probably see a healer, maybe my eye can still be saved, but I need to contact a few people first. Force, I am so glad to be out!_

I exhaled audible. Somehow I was not as glad to hear that as I probably should have been. Probably due to the blood on the page, HIS blood. I should ask him about that eye of his. It looks as if it didn’t take permanent damage, but you can never be too sure. Injuries like this can be dangerous... It can also be dangerous to be in such an evil and dark place for so long. And what was that about ‘feeling the temple’? This cannot be a good sign. Maybe I should talk to Master Yoda about this... but isn’t the green troll as much my enemy as the rest of the Council? I need to be careful here. If I tell them the wrong things, it could end disastrous for my former Padawan. But those information are not to underestimate either. I really should keep a closer look on him.

 

_Day 412:_

_Against my better judgement I didn’t contact the Council first. In fact, the first person I tried to contact was Satine. She screamed at me for half an hour until I was able to explain myself to her. She had listened carefully and afterwards I could swear I saw tears in her eyes. She actually apologized for screaming at me. I mean, Satine apologizing, to me. I almost cried too. It just felt good hearing her voice again, after all this time without any real human contact, let alone any light. I promised to visit her soon and I would. In all honesty, I am already on my way. I can’t wait to really see her again, to feel her, to just be near her again._

_Listen to me, I sound like a love struck idiot. And maybe I am, but I don’t care at this point. I am just happy to be alive. And I haven’t heard the Force complaining yet._

_I also called Padme. She was a little more... subtle... with her anger. At least she didn’t scream and I was actually able to tell her everything that had transpired BEFORE her ire could be released. I’m glad that I have somebody like Padme in my life. She is like a strong pillar you can lean yourself against. You can trust her to be there when you need her. Of course I have to visit her too. She would come right after me if I didn’t and even though I am tempted to test out if she would keep her threat, I am going to add Naboo to my next travelling goals. I think I could need one or two days on the beautiful planet. Not in the town, it holds too many still painful memories, but in the nature. Don’t get me wrong, Mandalore is beautiful too, but it lacks Naboo’s charm. Then again, Naboo lacks Satine’s charm._

_Day 413:_

_Still in hyperspace and still happy to be alive. I thought the adrenaline and hormones would have run out till now, but apparently they haven’t. I still have not visited a healer but I trust that Satine has already a few waiting upon my arrival._

_I actually contacted the Council today. They were not amused about my lack of communication. Thankfully Master Yoda had tamed them. At least they were a little bit friendlier after what I told them. I might have ‘forgotten’ some details though. That the creature had been Maul for example or that I was somehow better at feeling even the tiniest spark of darkness. I told them about the Nightsisters as well, but again I let out one or two things. They don’t need to know about the sessions for example._

_Yes... at least they seem to be happy about the names and contacts of the Sith I was able to provide them with. They said they would look into the people and see if there were persons that connected them. I highly doubted it. I still would travel to every one of these contacts myself and ask them. I had already planned my route, including a little detour that would make sure Master Dooku and I had enough time to train. After the second time fighting that monster, I definitely wanted to learn Soresu and Makashi now. Dooku immediately agreed and he told me he had changed his missions a little bit as well._

_I asked the Council if they could call Qui-Gon and allow him to talk to me in private. I think the... silence between us has gone for too long. They promised me that they would try their best, but they couldn’t make any more promises. They told me he was very busy with that Padawan of his. But surely he had at least five minutes to talk to me... or maybe he does not want to hear from me... I know we haven’t parted on the best terms and I now know that I shouldn’t have accepted this mission before he woke up, but I can’t change that now. I want to make amends, I honestly can’t stand the silence anymore. I know we BOTH made mistakes and I for one, have completely forgiven him his. I won’t forget them... I doubt that I ever can, but then again, I won’t forget the great times I had with him either._

_Dooku told me about Anakin’s progress and I am impressed. I still think the boy CAN be dangerous, but in the right hands... Nobody’s path is written down. It can be changed and altered. I shouldn’t have said that he was dangerous back then. It was a mistake. One of many on my part as Qui-Gon’s scared little Padawan..._

_Day 414:_

_Apparently the great Qui-Gon Jinn, Master of the legendary Chosen One, is too busy for his former Padawan. The Council called again and told me that he hasn’t got time, that he is otherwise occupied. And to think that I was about to throw myself at the man’s feet and apologise and ask for his forgiveness._

_I shouldn’t be surprised. The man never really cared for me. So many told me this, Masters and Knights alike. I never wanted to listen to them, never wanted to believe that their words were true. I used to think they were only telling me this to drive a wedge between us so that they could ask me to be their Padawan. Some of them even asked if I wouldn’t consider taken them as my Master instead of Jinn. I know better now. I am glad I didn’t wait for Jinn to wake up. I would have been rejected again anyway. I am glad Dooku cut my braid and not him and I am glad I gave my braid to Dooku. Jinn didn’t deserve it. He would have accepted it, I had no doubt. But he wouldn’t have accepted it, because it meant something to him, but because it would have been good for his pride, ego and his reputation. I sickens me, it really does. I thought of this man as my father, but what father was too busy to speak to one of his children for FIVE minutes?_

_And the Council had actually the audacity to request my presence back at the temple, because surely all of this was just a coincidence and surely it would clear itself once I am there. I outright refused. I have no desire of meeting Jinn, besides... I still feel so dirty after my stay in the Sith temple for more than two months._

_Alright Kenobi, get a hold of yourself! Stop pondering on the negative things and think about your meeting with Satine for example. I will reach Mandalore in a few hours and I am a little bit excited..._

I couldn’t believe what I was reading. The Council never spoke to me about Obi-Wan. In fact, every time I asked them about the whereabouts of my formers Padawan or how he was faring, they told me I should mind my own business. Of course they used different words, but their meaning was clear to me. They also said that Obi-Wan was in too much of a risk to contact, but to read his journal now... I wonder what else the Council decided to keep from me. Lying to my former Padawan is worse enough, but keeping us away from each other is completely unacceptable. At least I understood part of his reactions towards me now. The Council made me look as if I weren’t interested. They were knowingly playing with this man’s insecurities for Force sake! That and they apparently were using me as a bait to bring Obi-Wan back to the temple and to influence him. Good that at least that did not work.

 

I decided that I have read enough for now. I needed to meditate and to clear my mind now. It would do no one good, if Obi-Wan found out that something was not right here. I walked back into the living room and placed the closed leather book on the small table, where Obi-Wan could easily find and see it. I then made my way towards the large windows that allowed me a beautiful view over Coruscant. Facing the view sideways, I got into my usual meditation position and closed my eyes, calling onto the Force.

 

I was aware of Anakin joining me at some point and I knew Shmi was in the apartment too. I could feel here presence in the kitchen. What I did not feel however, was Obi-Wan’s presence. Not until he sat next to me, with his back against the cold glass. He had nudged me with his foot so that I was brought out of my meditation. When I looked up, he had grinned smugly and I mouthed ‘brat’ at him, causing his blue-green eyes to sparkle. Luckily Anakin caught nothing of this brief exchange.

It was strangely comforting to have Obi-Wan’s Force presence joining Anakin’s and mine and I was suddenly reminded of one of his entries. They would have been great for each other. Maybe as fellow Padawans of mine, maybe as Master and Padawan... It was just a pity that it didn’t work out that way.

As one we resurfaced and almost immediately Anakin was on his feet and vanished into the kitchen. I shook my head at the antics of youth and then gazed to my side. Obi-Wan was lazily slumping against the glass, facing me and with his arms crossed.

“I can remember a certain someone acting just like this,” I said.

“Acting like this? You mean thinking with one’s stomach, yes?”

I laughed, “You could say that.”

He must have seen the frown that appeared on my face, because his smirk turned serious and he leaned forward, “What’s up?”

“I was just thinking...” I sighed, “You would have been good for the boy.”

“Good in what way?”  
“As a Master perhaps...” I hesitated, “Or as a fellow Padawan.”

“Nobody would have taken him. At least not back then. Now that they have seen his talent...” he huffed.

“You misunderstand me.” Blue-green eyes furrowed, “I would have still taken him, but you would have been my Padawan too.”

“You refer to having more than one apprentice at a time, right?” he inquired.

I shrugged, “I don’t see any real reason why not. Anakin certainly could have benefitted from your training and knowledge, you could have learned what it means to care for a younger mind and I... well, I could have pushed some of the responsibility on you.” I felt terrible guilty for quoting things form his own journal entries.

He looked exited when he got on his knees, “Exactly! That’s what I’ve been thinking too... in general at least,” his gaze saddened, “A pity that the Council clings too hard on its old ways.”

I nodded, “Maybe it is time for a change?” I offered.

He looked up at me and there was something strange in his eyes. I didn’t dare to move or say anything. It felt like this was an important moment, an opportunity that couldn’t be wasted. “You should be on the Council,” he suddenly said seriously.

“What?”

He crept closer, still on his knees, “I mean it Qui-Gon.”

“Obi-Wan, that’s not a job for me.”

“Master,” and his tone left no room for argument, “YOU could make that change. I know you could, together with Master Dooku, for example. And together with other Knights who share the same ideas.”

“What makes me so special, little one?”

“You are the Order’s maverick for Force sake. You taught me most of the things I know today. Granted, it took Dooku to make me realise the truth of your words, but you are right. We are Jedi, not the damned Senate’s toy. We should follow the will of the Force and nobody else’s. But you already know this, don’t you? The Order is destroying itself and we need people like you, who actually know what they are doing. We need people who know what it means to be a Jedi.”

“I’m flattered that you think I am the right person, but...” I struggled with words, “How should we even accomplish that?”

His eyes sparkled and he was grinning, “That’s easy. Wait here,” he said and jumped to his feet.

I watched him run to his small bag and picking it up. He carelessly sprawled its contact on his sleeping place and searched through his belongings until he picked up a worn out looking datapad. He came back with it and kneeled right next to me, our shoulders and thighs were touching and he handed me the device with childish glee in his blue-green eyes.

“What is this?” I asked.

“These are the Order’s financial documents. The Order’s income and expenses and everything I could get my hands on. Now take a look,” he pointed to the screen, “it’s pretty easy really. You see, the Order’s financial status has... worsen since we are working so close with the Senate. Now our numbers are spread thin because our expenses rise, while our income stays the same or even lessens. The problem is that the Senate and the Republic demand more and more of our time AND our resources. We have no chance to expand or to hold our current standard of living. That’s why cutbacks are taking place.”

“That makes sense,” I commented. He swiped on the screen and other documents appeared.

“Neither the Senate nor the Republic are really helping with the issue either. I highly suspect in fact, that they are actually one of the main problems we are dealing with here. You see, they ARE giving money to the Order, but it does not even cover the expenses we have because of them.”

I hummed while looking at the numbers. He was absolutely right. What the Senate paid us wasn’t even close to being enough. “Are you implying,” I began carefully, “that the Senate is doing this on purpose.”

“I am indeed,” he answered honestly. “There is no other reason for them to pretend they don’t have more money to spare, especially since I know that they DO have.” He swiped on the screen again and I was greeted by the Senate’s accounts.

“Do I want to know how you have gotten hold these documents?” I asked with a raised eyebrow, reading the data.

“No, probably not.”

I huffed and shook my head, “So, the Senate makes sure that our numbers are shrinking,” I said and he nodded, “and what do you think we should do against it?”

“Either we demand more loan or we distance ourselves from the Senate. The Order has existed for millennia without the Senate. We could do it again.” I hummed. “The thing is, I am not hundred percent sure HOW the Order survived so long ago. I would need to take a look into the archives for that, but...”

“But you have not the necessary status to see the needed documents,” I ended his sentence.

He shook his head, “No, I don’t. But you have,” his eyes locked with mine.

I sighed and averted his gaze. This was dangerous terrain we were roaming. “I am not sure Obi-Wan,” there was hurt in his eyes, “I mean you are absolutely right. And if these documents are correct – and I do not doubt you or these information for one second – than we need to do something and fast. But I am not sure this is the right way.”

“What would you suggest then?”

“I don’t know. Maybe we should talk to them first?” I suggested.

“Don’t you think I haven’t tried that already? Every single time you start to criticize them or their system and every single time Dooku tells them that we should distance us from the Senate, they block and change the topic. They just won’t listen. Not to me, not to Dooku, not to anyone... Argh, it’s just so damn frustrating.”

I couldn’t stop myself from putting a comforting arm around his shoulders. To my surprise he leaned into me. “I know young one, but change takes time. We need to have patience and a good strategy first.” He nodded against my shoulder.

“You are right,” he mumbled.

I let the datapad slide to the floor and embraced him with my other arm as well. I chuckled, “Of course I am right, I am always right,” I teased.

“You wish,” he retorted, but his tone was amused.

“Ah little one, I really missed you.” He tensed in my arms and I was painfully reminded of the Council’s lies.

“Did you?” he would have sounded completely neutral to any outstander, but I knew best. I could hear the slight strain in his voice that hinted on doubt and hurt.

“Of course I did. You were my Padawan after all. Force, I sometimes don’t know how I did that, but I raised you and I am glad and proud to see that you have turned out to be such a wise young man.”

“Do you really mean that?” and there was so much hope in his voice.

“Of course I do, I would never lie to you.” That hurt.

“Master!” he cried and leaned further against me. Small tremors ran through his body and though he didn’t make any sound, I knew he was crying. I had the feeling that he had not cried a lot since starting that mission of his.

“Oh little one,” I said. I rested one of my hands on the back of his head and tightened my other arm around his middle. His fists were clutching my tunic and his face was hidden in my chest.

“Why haven’t you contacted me then?” he managed to ask.

“I wanted to, the Force is my witness, but the Council said you had no time. They said it could endanger you and your mission, so I kept my distance.”

“What?” he exclaimed and pushed himself away from me. I found myself staring into furious eyes. Tears were still falling down his cheeks, but he didn’t seem to care about them. “They told you what?” He was still trembling, but it was from rage now.

I reached out to cup his cheek and to wipe away the tears, but Obi-Wan dodged my attempt. He got to his feet, teeth clenched and eyes hard and unforgiving. “They told me that YOU were too busy to see me. They told me you didn’t WANT to see me and I believed them...” the last part was said in a quite whisper. He closed his eyes for a moment and shook his head. “I should have known something was wrong,” and I gasped when he opened his eyes again. Their blue-green colour had almost completely vanished, leaving an ugly yellow in their wake.

“Padawan... your eyes,” I slowly stood up too.

“Yes, a parting gift from all the darkness I encountered.” My thoughts drifted towards the Sith temple and the Nightsisters. “Don’t worry about it. It’s not like I am one with the dark side or anything... it just appears when I’m... when I’m,” he was struggling with words and I decided to step in, “When you are furious and allow your anger to lead you.”

“Something like this,” he spat. This was bad. Obi-Wan was on the verge of darkness and... my attention was suddenly otherwise occupied. The Force around Obi-Wan was in outrage too and there WAS darkness, but it was not the dominant power. Actually, neither dark side nor light side was. They were in harmony, but still outraged. It was as if they were directly reacting to Obi-Wan’s emotions. A sick feeling settled in my gut. The Council HAD said there was more to him than I would understand... what have they not told me?

I stepped forward and grabbed the young man’s wrist, just in time for Anakin and Shmi to appear from the kitchen. “I know what you are going through now Padawan, but you have to calm down. Everything is alright now Obi-Wan.” I only wanted him to calm down, so that nobody else would see his eyes. Not even I understood their true nature, but I understood that my Obi-Wan was not a creature of darkness. I doubted other Jedi would agree with me though.

“No, it isn’t! Who do they think they are?”

“Obi-Wan,” I said and reached out to put my hand on his face, “I know young one, but we cannot change this now. We shouldn’t dwell on the past. We can learn from it, but that means we have to live in the here and now. So do it, live in the here and now, with me, with Anakin and Shmi and all your friends and family. We cannot change what has happened, but we can enjoy the present.”

His posture was still tense. In his eyes still raged a burning fire and his mouth was set in a firm line, “Enjoy the present...?” he mumbled.

“Exactly my little Tooka.”

He started to blink and his eyes became greener now. “Tooka? You compare me to a Tooka?” I was glad that I had been able to distract him from his dark thoughts so easily. It was almost comically.

“What’s a Tooka?” Anakin asked and he winked at me behind Obi-Wan’s back. My Padawan was more perceptive than I have given him credit for. I had no doubt that Anakin really did not know what a Tooka is, but he was also asking this for Obi-Wan’s sake.

“A Tooka is something like a feline. They live in the lower level of Coruscant where they hunt Nuna,” my former Padawan explained patiently, his gaze never leaving mine.

I grinned, “Did you know that they can be trained for hunting?” One of his eyebrows rose to greet his hairline. “I think they suit you pretty well Obi-Wan. They are wild, brave and graceful. Definitely not easy to tame and not to underestimate, just like you.”

“You are crazy,” he said, but there was no spite in his voice.

I shrugged, “It helps sometimes.”

“If the two of you are finished, can we eat then?” my ever hungry Padawan cut in.

“Anakin,” Shmi scolded her son, but he just shrugged innocently.

“Obi-Wan is hungry too, right?” Thirteen years old and he had perfected the Padawan-puppy-eye look.

“Of course... I could eat a whole herd of Nuna,” he sent a teasing look towards me.

“See, Mom?”

“Oh dear, in this case we should hurry,” Shmi played along, “Come Anakin, we don’t want your friend to starve, do we?”

The two Skywalkers hurried back into the kitchen. Obi-Wan sighed and grimaced next to me once the Skywalkers were out of sight.

“Everything alright?” I asked worried.

“I am not used to eating regularly,” this confession alone caused a clenching of my stomach. What else had my child suffered through during his three year long mission?

“Master?” Anakin peeked at us from the kitchen.

“Yes Padawan?”

“Can I be a Tooka too?”

“No,” Obi-Wan answered before I could. I sent him a disapproving look, but he did not look at me. “You can be a Nuna.”

“Doesn’t this mean that I am your prey?” his brows were furrowed.

“Exactly,” and Obi-Wan pretended to go into an attack position.

Anakin shrieked, “Master! You have to protect me or he is going to eat me.”

“I’ll save you Padawan,” I replied heroically and wrapped my arms around Obi-Wan, lifting him up from the floor so that his back was against my chest. He was certainly lighter than I had expected. His arms were trapped and his struggling half heartedly, but it did the trick. “Hurry Anakin, I don’t know how long I can hold him.”

Anakin’s eyes widened and he ran back into the kitchen. We barely heard the, “Mom quickly, or Obi-Wan is going to eat me as his lunch.”

“Not that I would let that happen,” I mumbled into the ginger haired male’s ear.

He chuckled, “As if I would eat something so bony...” I snorted. “Master,” he complained, “your beard tickles.”

“Oh?” I purposefully ran my cheek against his neck.

“Qui-Gon!” he cried and pushed against the hold I still had on him. With more strength than I had expected from him, he freed himself and brought some distance between us.

“Is something the matter?” and he really possessed the audacity to hiss at me. “Big mistake young man.”

Our little chasing game went through the whole apartment and only stopped when Anakin, seemingly appearing out of nowhere, jumped onto Obi-Wan’s back and brought him to the floor this way.

“We did it Master, we captured the terrible Tooka,” Anakin said triumphantly.

“And for it crimes it has to be punishment,” I agreed. Thankfully I remembered that my ginger haired brat was very ticklish in certain areas.

The Force sung between us. It felt right, with Obi-Wan and Anakin laughing and playing with each other. It felt like family and once more I wondered why the Council would forbid something so pure. At one point Shmi joined in and to Anakin’s shock she was on Obi-Wan’s side. The picture of the perfect family was complete and I wished it could always be like this.

* * *

 

“Hey, what’s that?” my ever curious Padawan inquired after we had seated ourselves in the living room after a great dinner. Obi-Wan had not eaten much, but I was happy he had eaten at all.

“That’s my journal, I wrote in it during my mission.” Obi-Wan answered while stretching his limbs.  
“Really? That’s so wizard!” Anakin hesitated, “Can I read it?”

I curiously looked at my ginger haired child, who seemed to be struggling with himself. “I don’t know Anakin, it is rather personal.”

“Surely there has to be ONE entry I can read? Something with action perhaps.” There was the Padawan-puppy-eye look again.

Obi-Wan sighed, “Alright. Give it to me and I’ll see f I find something... interesting. And not too personal,” the last part was whispered for only me to hear.

“Wizard!” the blonde whirlwind exclaimed. Obi-Wan started to look through the pages and while the two Skywalkers were engaged in a conversation, I leaned towards him and whispered, “You don’t have to do that, if you are not comfortable,”

“I know... and I won’t read a personal article, but... I trust him.”

I nodded, feeling proud and saddened at the same time. I wondered if Obi-Wan would let me read his journal too if I had just asked him.

“Alright Anakin, listen.” Almost immediately everyone’s attention was on my former Padawan. Curiously I peeked at the journal entry, only to have Obi-Wan slip closer to my side so that I could put my arm around his shoulders. He held the journal for me to see and then he began reading. I quickly noticed that he was slightly changing the entry during reading, making it more reader friendly and letting some emotional parts out. I however could read everything like it was written down.

 

_Day 976:_

_I FINALLY found that damn rat’s hideout. Granted, Bane’s so called hideout is more like a fest. Lasershield, canons, cameras and detectors wherever you look. As if that could stop me. That cursed bounty hunter still has something that belongs to me and I want it back._

_I might have created a new lightsaber and I usually use only that now, but the crystal was a gift from Qui-Gon and without it I feel... vulnerable. Sounds stupid, but that is how things are. Besides, my lightsaber is not the only thing in Bane’s grip. He still has the holocron I discovered in the temple. Still can’t believe that I entered that cursed Sith temple a second time. At least I was not trapped this time._

_Now that I think of it, it might have trapped me so that I could kill Maul. Almost as if it needed my help to get rid of the pest. It would make sense and it would certainly explain the lack of hostility I felt towards me._

_Enough of that now. I need to find a way into Bane’s fortress and fast. I feel like time is running out and I have no desire running through the whole galaxy to get my belongings back._

_Day 977:_

_It was even worse than I had anticipated. Getting in was easy, if you knew where you needed to run and hide so that you wouldn’t be detected. The real challenged awaited you once you entered the fest._

_Just so you know, a second lightsaber would have really helped deflecting all the laser bolts. My back still feels as if it’s on fire. No pun intended... I should plan another stop on Mandalore or on Dathomir. I am not sure about that yet. Mandalore’s healers are great, but even with their expertise they need time and I could see Satine again. The Nightsisters on the other hand could cure my wounds in an instant. It would still leave scars though. But I DO have time to spare and I could use the vacation... So Mandalore it is._

_As I was writing, I got into the fortress. And honestly, which man who is not insane, builds something like this? He either has to be completely paranoid or completely insane. Then again, Bane is probably both. I was just glad that I took a little detour into the hanger before engaging the problem of getting my stuff back. This way I was able to manipulate good old Bane’s ships AND his hangar doors, leaving him with no exit except the one I came through. He was not amused, but then again, neither was I._

_But revenge is not the Jedi way and I would have spared him, had he just stepped aside and let me take my things back. Guess what, he didn’t. That damn bounty hunter actually had the audacity to take MY lightsaber and use it against me. Who does he think he is? A lightsaber is the sacred weapon of a Jedi. It is our life and no one should dare to touch it. Thankfully he had absolutely no skill with MY lightsaber. It was easy to get it back, but he still wouldn’t give up. In the end Bane lay unconscious before me. Electrocuted (by himself) and with a few burns and wounds that were inflicted by my lightsabers. I guess he won’t forget our meeting anytime soon._

_Somehow I feel pity for Bane. He is dealing with dangerous people and if I had been a Sith or one of his suspicious contacts, it could have ended differently. I felt fear coming from him when he was barely standing on his feet. I knew I can be dangerous and deadly if the needs arise. I won’t hesitate to kill either, if it saves other lives, but still, I am not the person he should be afraid of._

_I had waited until he awoke again. Of course I had tied him up. I had no doubt that he could have freed himself in a few minutes, but he did not move a single muscle while I was there. I had wanted to ask of his employer. Just as I suspected, it was Darth Sidious. In the last few months I heard the name quite a lot. This is a good sign, it means I am getting closer to the Sith Lord. Sadly Bane could not tell me the man’s identity either, but I had what I had come for._

_You should have seen the surprise on his face when I simply got up without killing or further hurting him. Apparently he is not used to the Jedi way. I still have the suspicion that our next meeting could end quite differently and a lot less violent._

 

“Wait, are we talking about THE Bane? The Cad Bane?” Anakin asked.

“Yes,” Obi-Wan confirmed and closed his journal before putting it away in his robe again. He didn’t return to his previous sitting position and I took this as an allowance of keeping my arm where it was.

“Wow... I heard he was captured a few days prior while he tried to steal something out of the temple.”

“That would have been thanks to Obi-Wan and me,” I explained and nudged my former Padawan in the side.

”Why didn’t you tell me about this?” Anakin pouted.

“Oh, but I did Anakin. Sometimes you should just listen to what your old Master is saying.”

“Well,” he laughed nervously and his cheeks were turning a bright shade of red. Shmi and I laughed at the sight and Obi-Wan just shook his head, but there was amusement clear on his face.

“Nothing to say, Obi-Wan?” I asked with one eyebrow raised. The ginger haired man had not always listened to me either.

“Hm? Oh excuse me Master Qui-Gon, have you said something?” laughter erupted in the small living room.

“Insolent brat,” I said.

“I learned from the best,” he grinned and winked at me. I huffed and captured him in a headlock.

“Don’t give me the credit for all your developed skills,” I teased. It was good to see him this happy and open again.

* * *

 

I stormed right into the Council session, ignoring everything and everyone on my way.

“Qui-Gon Jinn, what is the meaning of this?” Mace’s voice thundered.

“We have to talk,” I boldly stated, “It’s about Obi-Wan.” I barely kept myself from openly showing disgust at the interest that spiced at the mentioning of my former Padawan’s name. A pity they forgot with whom they were dealing here.

“So you have found information?” Adi Gallia inquired.

“I do,” I stated.

“Well?” Mace gestured to me after a moment of silence, “Why don’t you tell us then?”

My eyes narrowed dangerously, “I won’t tell you a thing until you tell me what you have kept from me about my former Padawan.”

“We have no obligation to do so,” Ki-Adi-Mundi spoke up.

“And I have no obligation to tell you anything,” I retorted boldly.

“The Council has other ways Master Jinn,” Adi Gallia threatened.

“Please,” I spread my arms, “then why don’t you enter my mind and search for the information?” As soon as I was finished speaking, I felt some Council members trying to do just that. They all were blocked by Obi-Wan’s shields.

“What is this supposed to mean?” one of the elder Council members asked. I recognised him as the one, who had talked against Obi-Wan. “A parting gift from my former Padawan. These are his shields and imagine how strong the ones in his own mind must be. Now you already fail to get through these, so tell me, how are you planning on getting information out of Obi-Wan?” I crossed my arms over my chest and grinned smugly. Heated and angry gazes landed on me, but I enjoyed it. This was the first step in showing the Council its place.

To my surprise however, both Mace and Yoda exchanged amused glances and now that I thought about it, I had not felt their presences trying to enter my mind. Plo Koon did not try either.

“The way things seem to be,” Mace began and he had his usual stoic Council member mask on, “we have no other option.” I counted that as a small victory.

“But,” Adi Gallia began, but she was interrupted by Master Yoda, “Tell him, we must. About time, it is,” and Yoda’s words were law.

“Tell me what Master?”

Mace sighed and I saw the exhaustion in the way he held his shoulders, “Anakin Skywalker is not the Chosen One, Qui-Gon.”

“Excuse me?” I didn’t understand why he brought that up now. We were talking about Obi-Wan were we not?

“We know this,” Plo Koon continued, “because we already found the Chosen One years ago. We won’t deny that young Skywalker is a talented and strong Jedi, but he is not the Chosen One.”

“Who,” I began to ask, but I stopped midsentence when a realisation hit me, “Obi-Wan.”

I gasped at the nods I received. “But how?”

“Discovered he was, before he was born. A young woman came to us, untouched she was, yet pregnant,” Yoda explained.

“What about Anakin?”

“We cannot explain this phenomenon either, but we suspect that a Force user influenced Mrs Skywalker from the outside,” Mace said.

“Both Skywalker and Kenobi are born without a father, but only Kenobi is the child of the Force.” I turned to look at Plo Koon. His expression was hard to read with the mask on, but in his voice echoed honesty.

“Of course,” I mumbled, without really thinking, “that makes sense.”

“Care to indulge us, Master Jinn?” Adi Gallia’s voice broke through my thoughts. She was shooting me an angry and ugly glare.

I blinked, “Yesterday, after Obi-Wan joined Anakin and me in our meditation... something felt different about him. I investigated this and was surprised to see... some kind of darkness in his aura. At first I thought he had been tainted, but then I noticed that the darkness was not touching his bright side... The two sides of the Force are coexisting in Obi-Wan, they look inseparable, as if they belong this way.”

“What does this mean,” Adi Gallia asked and all eyes landed on the green Jedi Master who had closed his eyes and slightly tilted his head.

He hummed, “Obi-Wan found his balance, it means. Accepted both the light and the darkness in him, he has. The true Chosen One, he is.” A gasp went around the Council chamber.

“What does it mean for us?” the Korun Master inquired.

“Unknown young Kenobi’s future is. Unknown the future of the Jedi Order is, his decision it will be,” Yoda stated and opened his eyes again.

From his posture I already knew that the meeting was over. Mace got the hint as well and ended the session here and now, leaving me with the opportunity to escape to my quarters again to meditate and to think about this new... discovery, before I would go and spar with Anakin. Hopefully that would clear my mind enough. I did not want to embarrass myself in front of Anakin after all.

* * *

 

I was not surprised when I did not see Obi-Wan for the next few days. He had told me that he needed to investigate something and that it might take a little longer. What DID surprise me however, was the fact that he left his journal behind again. It was almost too good to be true. I REALLY wanted to know how the ginger haired man’s mind worked and his journal had already helped me a great deal. So I shoved all my anxieties aside and grabbed the book.

 

_Day 520:_

_It is surprising how fast time flies by when you actually do something. I have talked to most of the people from the Mother’s list. Unfortunately they could not tell me anything of relevance. They practically all told me the same after some... persuading. Apparently Darth Sidious is a very dangerous and evil master mind, who promises protection, power and wealth. You have no real option of defying him whatsoever, otherwise he threatens you and your life, as well as you planet’s wellbeing. He is just a monster if you ask me. Nobody could tell me his real identity either. They all said exactly the same thing. He always wears a hood and his voice is slightly distorted during a holo-conference. But at least he does not seem to have taken another apprentice. My guess, he is waiting for something OR someone._

_Perhaps he was his eyes on the Chosen One? It is only a guess and a feeling, but I should tell Master Yoda about it._

_The Council is surprisingly in a good mood. I don’t know if this is really a good sign or not. However, they seem content with the few things I have gathered about the Sith Lord. To my surprise requested Master Yoda my return to the temple. Again I refused. I am on the right trail, I can feel it. I can’t stop now, not if I am so close._

_Day 535:_

_I’ve just received... news from Satine. I still cannot believe it. Granted, after my little mishap in the Sith temple and when I was declared good to go by the Mandalorian healers, we were a little... overzealous. ~~(The fact that my eye is still working properly was reason enough to celebrate)~~ Yeah, what I am trying to say is... well... ~~Force, why is this so embarrassing?~~_

_We WERE careful and we DID use protection, but something must have gone wrong. Satine wouldn’t believe it either at first, but she told me she went to at least three different healers and they all told her the same._

I already feared the worst. I mean, they were two young souls in love, but... well.

_Satine is pregnant... with MY child. I don’t understand how this is possible. Alright, I DO understand the biological part, but I don’t understand the rest. We WERE using protection. Both she AND I. Is the Force mocking me/ us? This should not have been possible, but here we are._

_I am still a little overwhelmed by her confession and I am still not sure how to properly react. I mean, this is MY child growing in her and I am proud and happy, but at the same time I am fucking scared. What if the wrong person found out about this? This is not just about my career as a Jedi, but it is also about Satine. Her pacifistic ways are not shared by everyone and I fear for her life. Besides, a child would be a great responsibility and I can’t be there to help her._

_I won’t mention abortion however. I knew Satine would kill me if I so much as hint at that. She values life too much and in all honesty so do I. Besides, the child is already about three months old... this would be like killing it..._

_Well, can’t change it anymore... I just wish I’d knew the gender. I am a little curious, but apparently the child is just as stubborn as Satine and I are. It somehow turned and twisted so that the healers were unable to tell the gender. It IS quite of amusing though..._

I was not sure if I should laugh or cry at this point. If it was true what Obi-Wan had written –and I did not doubt him for one second – then this child can be considered a gift of the Force. I quickly did the math and came to the conclusion that it had to be around one and a half year old.

I huffed and shook my head. First I got to know that my Obi-Wan is the Chosen One – I still did not know if I should tell him and Anakin about it – which means he was born under unusually circumstances and now his child was too. I didn’t want to dig deeper in the material however... did I really just thought that?

I distantly wondered why the Force was playing such a game with Obi-Wan. I also wondered if his child was Force sensitive. Surely it must be, with a father like Obi-Wan, there would be a high possibility... would he give it to the Jedi? Would he tell me? Maybe even more importantly, would it have such a special connection to the Force like its father?

I suddenly realised with a loud groan that I was old...

_Day 552:_

_I lost a bet with Satine today. After the shock had died down and I could think rather rational again, we guessed on what gender our child would be. A pity that I wasn’t there with Satine or I could have figured it out with the Force, I wouldn’t have guessed wrong then either..._

_Well, I had said that our child would turn out to be a ~~devilish and stubborn~~ girl ~~like her mother~~. I was totally wrong. Alright, totally might be a little over the top. You can either guess right or wrong. Yes, you’ve heard right, I am going to have a son ~~(I still think he is going to be as bad as his mother)~~. Satine is already in full mother mode and I am happy not to be there. Her maidens told me about the hormones and her bad mood... *shudder*._

_As I was saying, I lost the bet and now I have to get a tattoo... I don’t understand why in the nine Sith hells, she wants me to do that, but I chose that it would be wiser not to ask. I am already thinking about the design and the location..._

 

At least I now knew the reason for his tattoo. Nostalgic hit me. My boy has really grown up into a great young man, with his own little family. I really WAS old, besides what he and my friends and comrades said.

I wondered if he would allow me to see and hold his offspring sometime in the future. I would be honoured to lend them a helping hand too. I have no idea about raising a small child, but I could still be there for them.

 

_Day 658:_

_I returned to Mandalore as fast as I could, when the news arrived me. I still don’t understand why something like this could have happened. I mean, everything should have turned out alright, there had been no complications... it just... happened._

_Satine was a mess when I saw her. I’ve never seen her cry like this. She wouldn’t stop despite what I said. I felt like crying too, but I needed to be strong for her sake. She asked me why it happened and I couldn’t give her an answer. She got mad at me, told me that this was my entire fault. She let out all her anger, her sadness, her grief and whatever she must have been feeling, on me. It hurt, but I knew she didn’t really mean it. It was just the shock speaking._

_I still can’t believe it either. I don’t want it to be true. I mean... why... why him? We had already chosen a name for him and now he’s... gone. Just like this. I don’t blame Satine, in all honesty, I blame the Force for killing my son. And there is just no other way to describe it._

_That and the way Satine looked at me. It broke my heart. She begged me to do something and it hurt to tell her that, despite my connection with the Force, I was unable to do anything. I had defeated a Sith (twice), I lived through more than two months of hell in a Sith temple, I learned different fighting styles and I even brought my old Master back from the edge of death, but I couldn’t help my own son..._

_The funeral will be held tomorrow evening, when the moon and stars come out. I know my child would have liked that as much as Satine and I do..._

_I am currently sitting on our shared bed, Satine is lying next to me with her head on my lap. I had to use a heavy sleep suggestion so that she would get at least a little rest this night. I however am not planning on sleeping any time soon. Satine needs me now more than I need the rest._

His hand had been surprisingly steady while he wrote this. I can only imagine what he had been through. I tried to picture losing my Obi-Wan, or even Anakin and it hurt, but somehow I had the feeling that it would have been even worse for him and Satine. I cannot imagine what it means to lose your own unborn child and from his previous entries I knew Obi-Wan must have loved him already. That was my Padawan’s greatest problem. He loved quick and with all his heart, but that meant he was vulnerable too.

I skipped the next page and was not surprised to see that a lot of days had passed since his latest entry.

_Day 718:_

_This should have been a happy and glorious day, but instead we are on the verge of crying. I won’t allow myself to cry and I had the suspicion that Satine had no tears left to cry._

_Today our child should have been born, but instead I was reminded of what a dark place the galaxy really is._

_At least I have now an answer to why this had happened. The Force gave me a vision. My son would have been born healthy, but the Jedi would have taken him away without me knowing. They would have corrupted him, they would have turned my own son against me and the Force wanted to spare me AND Satine from this pain. He would have died an early death, thanks to the Master he would have had. He would have been treated like I was..._

_Satine feels slightly better knowing that he was spared the pain. I think she only believed me because I had awoken screaming and on the verge of crying from the vision. I haven’t slept since then, too afraid of what else I will see._

_I thank the Force this day for keeping my son save and out of harm. I thank the Force for providing him a better life. But gratefulness and grief are not the only emotions I feel on this darkest of days._

_I feel hate, burning anger arise in my chest. It feels like a flame that could get out of control every minute now. But it doesn’t. I also realised that something has changed. I have known this for months, but only now do I realise what it is, or rather what it could be. Ever since the Sith temple I have been more open to the dark side. But against all odds, it is not consuming me. It allows me to use its power, but it wants nothing in return. I feel balanced too, as if getting into contact with the dark side was what I searched for all those years. I cannot explain this. I only knew that my abilities have changed. I have become not only faster and stronger, but I developed other abilities. I hadn’t realised it up until now however. Whatever is happening to me, I know it is right and I trust the Force to guide me. BUT I will not forget that the Jedi are the reason that one light has been blown out in order to protect it from them. I can’t forgive them for something they haven’t done, but I will not forget it._

_I don’t blame all Jedi. I have seen that Master Yoda, Mace Windu and Plo Koon had tried to protect my son. Even Qui-Gon and Dooku had done so, without knowing who he really was. Apparently they had felt a connection with him. I was stunned by Plo Koon stepping up, then again we always got along surprisingly well...The rest of the Council is rotten however and I will keep the memory of my dead child forever in my mind and in my heart. They should be very careful from now on..._

 

I involuntary shuddered at his last words. That had definitely sounded like a serious threat. I wondered what Obi-Wan would do, if it really came to it. But if I am completely honest with myself, then I don’t want to know.

 

I sighed and started to massage my headache away. I have developed a theory during the last few days. If Obi-Wan truly was the Chosen One, then he was the bridge between the dark side and the light side of the Force. Therefore he needs to be connected to both sides. So, what if he sometimes switches between the two sides without realising it?

One moment, he was like the sweet bright Padawan I took all those years ago. The next moment he was a cold and isolated man. It would be an explanation for his strange behaviour. I should talk with Master Yoda and Mace about it. Perhaps I should invite Plo Koon and Dooku too. Dooku has been an important figure in my former Padawan’s life and Obi-Wan seemed to hold at least some respect for Plo Koon.

* * *

 

Master Yoda, Mace, Plo Koon, Dooku and I were sitting in the otherwise abandoned Council chambers. I was surprised that my old Maser answered my call, but I was more surprised that he came as soon as I told him that this was about a certain ginger haired man.

 

I briefly told them about my theory, but they had to swear to keep quiet first. Only Plo Koon had hesitated, but then he had seem to realize that it had to be quite an honour to be counted to one of the few people Obi-Wan trusted and still respected. Of course I told them nothing about the journal, I still felt dirty doing this and I had the suspicion that I would regret ever touching it soon, VERY soon.

I still don’t understand what brought me to call this meeting, I was not very fond of talking, but I still hoped.

 

“Is there a danger of Knight Kenobi completely falling to the dark side?” Plo Koon asked.

“No! Of course not,” Dooku and I answered in unison. We briefly acknowledged this fact by exchanging looks. Dooku had really bonded with my former apprentice.

“Then I don’t see any problem,” Plo Koon deadpanned. I could only gape at him.

“I treasure your optimism, but are we absolutely sure that Obi-Wan is in no danger of falling?” Mace said. He and Yoda had revealed that their ‘displeasure’ of my former Padawan for them was just an act, most of the time at least. I was a little bit confused by all of this.

“Mace, it is not the darkness taking hold and controlling of Obi-Wan, but the other way around,” I explained. “He can control the dark side. Granted, it gets spiked when he is furious, but even then he can easily be calmed down.”

“I agree with Qui-Gon. Obi-Wan and I have spent a lot of time together in the last three years. He has himself under control,” Dooku agreed and I shot him a thankful look. He nodded in return.

Mace hummed and then gazed to Yoda. “Trust in Obi-Wan’s abilities, I do. Concerned about his different personalities, I still am,” the green troll admitted.

“Can we really say ‘different personalities’ here?” Plo Koon asked in the round.

“What would you call it?” I asked truly interested.

He pondered about the question, “I am not saying that Knight Kenobi is controlled, but what if the side he is relying on, influences his emotions?”

“You mean that the ‘real’ Obi-Wan is just hidden behind some kind of act?” Mace wanted to know.

“It would be possible, but I doubt that too. Obi-Wan IS both the light and the dark, but depending on which side he is currently relying more on, his emotional state is influenced.” This actually made sense on some strange and obscure level.

Before either of us could say or discuss anything else however, the doors to the chambers were forcefully opened and a few disgruntles and angry Council members stormed in. Not all were present, but most still were.

I instinctively had jumped up from my chair and reached for my lightsaber, but Dooku’s hand on my elbow had stopped me. “This is not our fight, not yet. Let Yoda, Windu and Koon handle this,” he had whispered for only me to hear. I looked at the Council members, who had attended this small meeting with us and they all looked completely unfazed by the fury and tension in the air. Yes, Obi-Wan had chosen his ‘comrades’ well.

I nodded to my old Master and together we left the Council chamber.

* * *

 

“So I guess you and young Obi-Wan have finally talked?” my former Master asked with a raised eyebrow, while I served him tea.

“Yes Master... it was overdue.”

Dooku hummed and took a sip from his cup, “The Council was of no help either... I must admit they fooled us pretty well. Acting without Yoda knowing and so that Windu and Koon, the only ones with brain, could not stop them.”

I grimaced, “So it is true, you think our Council is corrupt?”

“Corrupt?” he sounded bewildered, “They are not merely corrupt. They have bowed and submitted to the Senate, that is all. They are stupid cowards, who only care for their one benefit. You know Padawan, in their quest to please the Senate, they became politicians as well.” The fact that he still called me Padawan, even after all those years, started a warm feeling in my stomach.

I eventually nodded and took a sip from my tea as well. A moment of silence passed between us, “Obi-Wan showed me the documents about the temple’s income and expenses...”

“Ah,” he put his cup back on the table and then leaned back into the cushions of my old couch, crossing his legs, “I had wondered who had given him the needed approval to dig deeper into the archives.”  
“Why didn’t you?” Our eyes locked.

“The Council does not trust me Qui-Gon,” that was all he needed to say.

* * *

 

_Day 785:_

_I actually just gained useful information about my little friend the Sith Lord. One of his ‘closer’ companions was really talkative. I know now that the Sith spends most of his time on Coruscant and that he is high up in the Senate. That makes my job a lot easier. I won’t return to Coruscant anytime soon though. It would look suspicious if I did, especially if I do so without protest._

_Then again,, most of the Council is suspicious of me anyway, in fact they all are except Yoda, Mace and Plo Koon. I think Yaddle is neither, but she is hard to read, even for me. I am beginning to suspect that they are afraid that I might find out something that is not... good for them._

_That would definitely explain some of my visions. I saw a segregated Order, but I am still not quite sure what this means._

 

I stopped reading for a moment. If it was truly the case that the Sith Lord spent most of his time on Coruscant, and I somehow doubt that he would live here as a low-life, then he needed influence and resources. Both of these things were not cheat, which meant that he was high on the career ladder. What if he was too high? What if the Sith Lord, this Darth Sidious, and the fact that the Senate is trying to take full control over the Jedi, is somehow connected? What if Sidious is one of the politicians, hidden right under our noses? Could the Jedi really be that blind?

 

_Day 856:_

_With the help of Padme AND Satine I was able to get all the information about the Senate and the Republic I needed. (I will send a copy to Dooku.) I am truly grateful to have such comrades, it reminds me of better times._

_I’ve managed to shorten the list on possible Sith Lords and in all honestly, I have a favourite already. I can’t act on it and I won’t tell anyone about it just yet. I need to be on Coruscant for that to happen first and I have the feeling I won’t set foot on that planet anytime soon. _

_Have I mentioned that I am glad Satine is back to her old self? I’ve started to miss her smiles... her laughter..._

_She actually wants to try again... if you know what I mean. I told her to wait. Things could heat up and I want our child to grow up safe and loved and without anyone threatening to take it away._

_Of course she understood, she always does... Oh Force, I am still so much in love with her that it hurts. Laughable, really. I played with the thought of Satine becoming my wife when things are a little calmer. Attachments and rules be damned. I am starting to doubt the current Code anyway..._

I could have hit myself. Of course Obi-Wan could have asked Padme and Satine for help to get his hands on the Senate’s finances.

Speaking of Satine... I fear my former Padawan is beyond saving. He reminds me so much of Tahl and me. I can’t help myself but wonder if we would have gone so far too. Well, obviously Tahl would not have accepted to become pregnant, but the closeness, the love that Obi-Wan holds for Satine... I can’t picture myself this way, so devoted.

I am worried though. Obi-Wan was the only thing in my live that grounded me after Tahl had died and I wonder how he would react if something were to happen to Satine... I fear that it would not end well.

 

Starting to doubt the Code... What does he believe in then? A Jedi follows mostly the Force, but of course we follow our Code as well. What else would he suggest then?

I sighed and ran with my hands through my hair. Reading this was getting very frustrating. It was my responsibility as a Jedi and as his former Master to bring him back on the right track, but then again, did I have the right to bring him back on the right way. What is the right way? I agree with Obi-Wan when he says that the Order is not like it is supposed to be and that there need to be changes, but I cannot seem to bring myself to go THIS far.

“This is madness,” I mumbled to myself. My former Padawan has lost his mind, or hasn’t he? “The curse of the Chosen One,” I grumbled into my beard.

 

_Day 879:_

_I returned to the Sith temple. I don’t know why. In all honesty, I didn’t want to see that place ever again. I brought a few friends with me this time, namely Quinlan and Garen. They jumped at the opportunity of exploring a real Sith temple. I DID tell them I was already in there once, but I might have left a few things out._

_It feels good to have some old friends around me again. I must admit that I did not contact them often in the last years. Bant would always complain about that, Siri does not care and Reeft is often otherwise occupied. With eating probably. Quinlan and Garen are on missions most of the time and it was sheer luck that I had reached them._

_I feel a lot safer with them at my back however._

_We went deep into the temple. The architecture was astonishing. The sculptures well build and it must have been beautiful once. Now it was barely a ruin. A few things were scribbled on the wall, but neither of us could read them. I guess this must be the ancient languages of the Sith. I should look into it some time._

_Eventually we reached the heart of the temple. I don’t know, but I had expected something more. I hadn’t expected a Room of a thousand Fountains, but something more glorious perhaps. We only found a few altars and shattered showcases, most of them empty or covered by an unknown liquid neither of us wanted to touch. It could have been blood, toxic or Force knows what else._

_There was one thing that DID catch my attention however and that was a bright orange crystal in the middle of the room. I barely stopped Quinlan from touching AND pocketing it. It bothered me somehow. We almost fought over it and it shames me to admit this, but the crystal did not belong to Quinlan. It had reacted to me, and now that I hold it in my hand, I know that this was the right decision. Garen had stepped in at some point and demanded to know what was going on with us. I simply told him that the crystal called to me while Quinlan admitted that he just wanted a trophy. Thankfully Garen had agreed with me that it was better that I took it._

_Upon taking the crystal from its socket, I was greatly reminded of my eighteenth birthday when Qui-Gon gave me my blue crystal, a feeling of warmth and belonging had surged through my body. This crystal had probably waited eons for its wielder and now it belonged to me. I made some research and found out it was a rare and powerful lava crystal from a volcanic planet such as Mustafar. I also found out that I have to be extremely careful when I construct a lightsaber with this crystal and I definitely intent to do so. It would be a heavy blade and I have to train until I can even so much as CONSIDER using the blade in a real battle. Uncontrolled the crystal will produce lava while activated, causing bits of flames and lava to drip from the activated blade. Of course this could be used as an advantage but I NEED to find a way to shut it down, otherwise I will only burn myself and those close to me. I would not even be able to spar with this lightsaber then..._

_I might already have an idea, but it COULD be risky. I guess I can only do, since there is no try._

_Day 931:_

_I can’t believe that actually happened. I am so embarrassed. A lowly bounty hunter named Cad Bane had actually stolen my lightsaber, the one with Qui-Gon’s crystal, as well as the recovered Sith holocron. I had just started to figure out how to read it and then this low-life appears and steals it. I didn’t even notice it at first... I had to watch the videos from my hidden cameras. At least I was smart enough to install some of them. Still, I HAD been in the room. Granted, I was sleeping, but I have not had a night of deep sleep since ages. Either a nightmare of Naboo, a vision or nightmares of this Force forsaken Sith temple keep haunting me. I should have awoken when he stepped into my room, unless... unless that dirty bastard has somehow drugged me. Oh, I swear to all the nine Sith hells that this asshole will pay!_

_Argh, focus Kenobi! Anger is not the right way to deal with those things. I need a clear head for figuring out my next steps. I know that I have to hurry, otherwise the things will be lost. And I cannot shake the feeling that the Sith Lord is somehow involved in all of this. Another reason to dig deeper into this._

 I closed the journal with a sigh and put it back into its place, before standing up from the chair I had occupied. I was not really paying attention to what I was doing, my mind was working on the new information it had just gained, but my body knew the movement by heart. In the end I found myself sitting on the couch with a cup of my favourite tea warm in my hands.

I had now reached the entry Obi-Wan had read out to Anakin a few days ago. I startled at that. Had it really been only a few days? It felt like an eternity to me. All those conflicts, all those sides and all those choices to make. I was getting sick of it. I desperately wanted to stay on my former Padawan’s side, like it is supposed to, but his darker side and the Council are making it hard for me. I shook my head and took a long sip from the steaming cup. The hot liquid burned in my throat, but I gratefully accepted the pain that distracted me from my thoughts at least for a small moment. I took another sip and then put the cup on the table. Leaning forward, I rested my arms on my knees and stared into the steaming liquid.

Thankfully I was not left to ponder on my dark musings, for the door to the quarters were forcefully pushed open by none other than my overly excited Padawan. I could not help but smile at the slightly dishevelled sight of him, Shmi was nowhere to be seen.

“Why the hurry Padawan?” I required.

“Master,” the boy sent me a quick and uncertain smile, “I was wondering if you would want to spar with me?”

“Of course,” guiltily I realised that I had not paid enough attention towards the blonde whirlwind in the last few days. I had been too occupied with the Council and a certain ginger haired male.

“Wizard!” He did not even waited for me to get up from the couch. He simply stepped forward, took my larger hand into his own and pulled hard. With a grunt I allowed him to pull me up and then he dragged me through the whole temple, not once letting go of my hand. I wondered if he was afraid that I would change my mind or vanish otherwise. A few Knights and Masters sent us amusing looks, some sent us disdainful looks as well, but we ignored all of them. It was not their business how I raised my Padawans. I knew of a time when a lot of Masters complained about my unusual teaching methods concerning my Obi-Wan and that my bad example would taint their ‘oh so precious’ Padawans. Thankfully Master Yoda had quickly taken care of those speeches.

“Here we go,” Anakin’s voice exclaimed enthusiastically and I saw that he had lead me towards a mostly abandoned trainings hall. Only a handful people were present, Shmi Skywalker was one of them. I shot my Padawan an amused look and then took of my robe and gave it to the female Skywalker, who was holding her hands out for it. Afterwards the blonde whirlwind and I warmed up and a long and hard sparring session followed.

 

The sparring match had done wonders to my mind. My body was exhausted and bone-tired and thankfully my usually unsettled mind as well. I fell into a deep sleep once I laid done in my bed and this night, I was not disturbed by any visions or pictures of death and destruction.

I had talked with Master Yoda about them, but the green troll was of no help either. He just said that it was highly unlikely that they would occur, especially now that the Chosen One had returned to the temple. He also admitted that he had shared the same visions like me, which was one of the reasons why he wanted Obi-Wan to return to the temple in the first place. His visions had stopped as soon as the ginger haired male had stepped back into out sacred home, but mine had not.

Despite my Grandmaster’s words, I was still afraid of my ‘nightmares’.  I could not get rid of the feeling that something bad was about to happen and it would have to do with Obi-Wan. I could just hope and pray to the Force that I would be there to aid my boy in his time of need.

* * *

 

_Day 1053:_

_A lot of time has passed since I last wrote an entry in here. There was simply no need to. Of course there was plenty I could have written, every little information regarding the Sith Lord for example, but I am not going to write anything of this down. Should this book get into the wrong hands, then too much could be revealed besides, I will not forget a single detail of what I have learned._

_The Mother taught me about the old and ancient Sith language during one of our sessions. I am just thankful that I always was good with languages. She also taught me  how to open the Sith holocron. I plan on doing this soon, but not when I am on Dathomir. It is not the Nightsisters I do not trust, they have become reliable and loyal comrades, but it is rather the fact that Sidious had once been on this planet and that Maul was from here. Maybe it is just a stupid hunch, but I would open the holocron only when I am completely alone and when I am certain of that._

_I almost ran into Master Jinn and Anakin a few days ago. I have forgotten which planet it has been on... I had pondered with the idea to go and talk to them, but just as quickly had I pushed that thought aside again. I could not face them, would not face him. Instead I have observed them from a safe distance, making sure that neither of them would detect me. I think Master Jinn felt something anyway, he seemed strangely on edge at least. Our little Chosen One however seemed completely oblivious to me and I wonder... I doubted that it was Jinn’s training, but something about the boy just seems off. He is acting normally and as a boy his age should. There is just something in his Force presence that should not be there. A dark and foreign presence. Foreign only because it did not belong with the blonde boy, but it somehow felt strangely familiar to me. The question remained, what was it and where did he came into contact with a dark being... probably a dark Force user... maybe Sidious? But surely he or Jinn (or the Jedi) would have noticed a Sith Lord approaching their holy Chosen One?_

_But what if not? What if Sidious is hiding right under our noses? In plain sight, yet not reachable... what if he is somebody I know? The list I developed with the Mother and a few of my comrades and informants is getting smaller and smaller. There are not many names left and sadly my ‘favourite’ is still one of the remaining names. I have a very bad feeling about this!_

That was unexpected and also scary in some way. I did not want to imagine what it would mean to have a Sith Lord so close by. I would give almost anything to have a peek at that list of my formers Padawan, but at the same time I deemed it better not to know the name of the suspect. The fewer people knew about it, the least suspicious the Sith would get.

Something held onto my thoughts as desperately as I wanted to banish it. How exactly was Anakin influenced by the Sith? I could think of quite a dozen people I did not like, but who were in contact with my whirlwind of a Padawan. If one of them was the Sith Lord and if that Sith thought that Anakin was the Chosen One... I had to be more careful and cautious from now on. I would keep an eye on my Padawan, so that Anakin would be safe.

 

Something else came to my mind when I quickly looked over the written lines. Obi-Wan had almost run into Anakin and me... I think I know the mission he is referring to. It was a brief trip to Bespin where we had to settle a small conflict between the newly immigrated human and the Ugnaught. It was a minor conflict, not even worth the effort actually, but a good training for my young Padawan, which is why I selected the mission in the first place.

Upon landing on the planet however, I could have sworn that I felt a... disturbance in the Force. I had tried to investigate the disturbance but it had almost immediately vanished. Back then I had pushed it aside. The Force had given me no warning, nor had I felt any thread, which is why I only focused on my Padawan’s task ahead. I quickly forget the small incident, but now that I read those lines I wished I had investigated and searched further. Then again, Obi-Wan did not seemed very thrilled to see me back then, so it was probably for the better that we did not met.

 

_Day 1102:_

_I have opened and studied the Sith holocron and despite the fear I had previously harboured, I did so on Dathomir, in the middle of the Nightsisters’ village. No one bothered me, the Mother had promised this, and I knew she would always keep her words._

_What I learned was highly interesting. I didn’t know that a single holocron could hold so much information. The prophecy of the Chosen One was briefly touched. It said that the Chosen One would need an anchor on either side. In the end he had to choose between either anchor and based on his decision, the galaxy would change. I hope that Anakin’s anchor in the light side was stronger and more connected to him than his anchor to the dark side. Then again, that anchor is probably the Sith Lord himself..._

An anchor in the dark side and one in the light side... I have never heard of such a thing, then again, the prophecy we possess is not complete. Yoda himself had told me so. Apparently a few parts went missing during the times and others were not heard.

If this piece of information is true... then Obi-Wan had a special connection to a person in the light and one person, who stands close to the dark side. I figured that the latter would be the Mother. From the way the ginger haired male wrote about her, it was clear that he respected her and that something akin to a bond must have formed. She did not seem to be the classic evil dark side user, which led me hope. But who was Obi-Wan’s other anchor? It could very well be Padme or Satine. Both women had a surprisingly strong connection with the Force. Not enough to be trained in the arts of a Jedi, but they definitely were loved and enveloped in the Force. It could also be Master Yoda for all I knew. He and my Padawan had always shared a special bond...

There used to be a time when I would have considered myself as well. Obi-Wan and I had once shared one of the strongest bonds the Order has ever seen, but now... I wasn’t so sure now and a part of me hoped that I was not the anchor. If Obi-Wan did not chose me... then the galaxy’s downfall would be my fault and I did not know if I could live with this knowledge.

 

Shaking my head I decided to read one for know. There were only a few pages left, the others were either empty or from his time AFTER the mission. I somehow doubted they would be of much use for me. Obi-Wan would not write the Sith’s identity down and I think I know what his entries would have entailed. Most of the time I had been with him after all.

_Furthermore I found a few Force techniques hidden in the holocron. I took the time to study a few of them closer and I came to the conclusion that they are not simply rooted in the darkness. In fact most of the techniques are based on BOTH, the dark side AND the light side. I should go and talk to the Mother about them, maybe she can teach me._

_They could prove to be useful in the future... that or maybe Anakin has a use for them once he discovers his connection to the dark side..._

_Day 1103:_

_The Mother is furious. She would not tell my why, but when I look in her haunted eyes I think I might know the reason. Sidious had made contact with her again and he probably demanded her service._

_Sadly she is not in the mood to talk, actually she vanished into green dust a few moments after I asked her if my assumption was right._

_Asajj Ventress, she is one of the higher ranked Nightsisters and the two of us come along pretty well, assured me that the Mother would come back once she had her emotions under control again. It usually took her a couple of days, but afterwards she would come and seek me out to talk._

_Afterwards Asajj and I sat down and talked about the Force techniques the holocron had revealed. She was not the Mother, but Asajj was able to help me nevertheless. This way the day was not a complete waste of precious time._

I mentally sighed. This Asajj person was another possible anchor to the dark side. Why did things always have to be so complicated?

_Day 1110:_

_The Mother returned today. She had regained her calm aura when she stepped into my tent and we sat down to talk._

_My suspicions were only partly confirmed. Sidious had indeed made contact with the Nightsisters, but not because of the reasons I had thought. He ORDERED the Mother to hand over the Chosen One. You can imagine the expression I made when I heard that. I thought the Sith had suffered some mental damage. I knew there were only me and the usual inhabitants on Dathomir. Anakin was far away, probably back on Coruscant in the safety of the Jedi temple, or as save as the Jedi temple was these days._

_Well, the Mother’s next words were... disturbing. She told me that Sidious was referring to me. But why in the galaxy would Sidious want me? I am not Chosen One, even if the Mother said otherwise. There is nothing special about me, except that I killed a Sith apprentice (twice). Honestly, has the universe gone bloody mad? I would know if I were the Chosen One, right? Besides, my medichlorian count was not even as high a Master Jinns’. Insane, completely insane! There are just no other words for it._

_I decided to ‘accept’ the Mother’s words however, I had no desire to start an argument with her. I think she knew what I was thinking about her opinion one way or the other, but she too did not comment on it._

_She told me that I had to leave Dathomir as fast as possible and that I had to go underground for a little while so that Sidious would not find me. At least this I could understand. I had killed the Sith’s apprentice and he took an interest in me. That sounded plausible and logical. I would have said that he was out for revenge, but Asajj had quickly explained that the Sith did not work like this. The fact that an apprentice was killed only meant that he was not worthy of the title of a Sith anyway. Usually the killer would take the place of the killed, but needless to say I am not going to betray the Jedi and become a Sith. I am not Xanatos Du’Crion for Force sake._

_No use to think about the past now. I should concentrate on the here and now. And right now, the Sith Lord was highly interested in me and I needed to do anything in my power to avoid him. The Mother and her warriors would hold him off as long as possible. I had to make her promise that she would not allow her ‘daughters’ to die because of me. She reluctantly agreed, even though she said that I was more important than they. I was holding the fate of the whole galaxy in my hands after all... Crazy! She must have spent too much time in that tent of hers, there simply is no other explanation for this..._

_There is time for that later. Now I need to pack and be gone, quickly...._

So Obi-Wan was told that he was the true Chosen One. I wonder how the Mother came to know this, then again, the Sith Lord did too.

I shook my head. Yoda should never have concealed this from me. Things would have been a lot differently then. I would have made sure that Obi-Wan was professionally educated in both sides. This way I also would have been able to make sure he did not fall...

“Too late for that now, the past is the past...” I mumbled to myself. But there was always a future.

 

I quickly checked the chrono that was hanging on the wall over my desk and saw that I still had enough time to spare before the second ‘unofficial’ meeting about Obi-Wan would begin. I had decided to tell the other’s about the part of the prophecy that stated that the Chosen One needed two anchors. I was a little bit anxious to get their opinion on who it might be. Whoever it was, the person would need protection, just in case. Otherwise Sidious could use him or her to his advantage. By killing that anchor, that simply HAD to be Obi-Wan’s strongest bond and most beloved person in this galaxy, well... I fear my boy would completely lose it, lose HIMSELF then. I did not want to imagine what would happen then, not only to the Jedi Order, but the whole galaxy.

 

_Day 1194:_

_Every lead I have collected, every bit of information I have gathered and everything else I know, points towards Coruscant. And it does not simply point to Coruscant in general, everything connects to ONE single person._

_I found the Sith Lord, I finally found that cowardly gundark, that damned bastard that calls himself Darth Sidious... and I cannot believe it took me this long... three years (and more). I know what I have to do now. I have to return to Coruscant, but I will not do so right away. Perhaps I will wait for Yoda, he is getting more and more persistent that I have to return... imagine his surprise when I suddenly agree. ~~I have to get a picture of his face then.~~ _

_Until then I should make sure I forget nothing... Perhaps I should just write a quick list so that I know what remains to be done... I still cannot believe it, not after all this time._

_Day 1195:_

_\- I HAVE to visit Satine another time, just in case..._

_\- a last talk with the Mother (and Assajj) is in order_

_\- make sure that I have packed EVERYTHING, I do not want to leave something important behind_

_\- sent a message to Padme, perhaps I can even manage to visit her_

_\- report to the Council (and bring Yoda to ask you to return)_

_\- make sure you are ABSOLUTELY ready to face the Sith Lord_

_\- sent some contacts to Coruscant as well, so that I can learn everything there is to know about Sidious_

_\- check this list DAILY to make sure I have not forgotten everything_

_Day 1260:_

_Yoda FINALLY asked me to return again. He had done so privately, he apparently was fed up by the fact that he could not tell me his exact thoughts before the Council. Who knew the little troll had it in him to curse and threaten somebody this much. ( ~~And here I always respected him for his calm and serene nature)~~_

_He ranted for hours until I was able to stop his tirade. And when I laughingly agreed on returning, the green troll cursed even more. I made him lose his trained Jedi demeanour after all. I wish I had recorded that somehow, then again, this is Master Yoda I am talking about. He was ~~usually~~ always there when I needed him (even though he is a little manipulative ~~shit~~ being ~~sometimes~~ most of the time)_

_I will be heading ‘home’ soon. Home is relative... A man once said to me that the home is where the heart lies. My heart apparently lies in pieces all over the galaxy... on Mandalore for example, Naboo, Dathomir and maybe even a tiny shred is on Coruscant._

_I wonder how much has changed... what remains. I know that the Council and their system is as bad as even, according to Dooku it had even worsened. I just have to see it for myself then... and who knows, perhaps there actually IS something we can do about it._

I closed the book with an air of finality surrounding me. I had done what I have been asked for. I found out everything there is to know about the mission my former Padawan was on. There is nothing more to know. Still, I felt bad and like scum for having betrayed this bright young man’s obvious trust in me. And there simply is no other word to describe it. I KNOW he did not simply ‘forget’ his journal here, he trusted me to keep it safe. And what have I done? I broke that trust... but I was not going to let anybody else know about the things he wrote. The Force shall take me before I reveal his affair with the Mandalorian duchess...

 

I shook my head and stood up, placing the book on the small table in the living room, near the couch that had not been used for quite some days now. I was slowly growing very worried. What if Obi-Wan accidently ran into the Sith without being prepared? What if the Sith got my young child? What if something happened to Obi-Wan?

I at least knew that he was not dead or corrupted yet. There would have been a great and palpable change in the Force otherwise, at least that is Master Yoda’s opinion. Honestly, these days I am not sure if the green troll actually knows as much as he makes other people believe.

“Master?” I turned my head to look at my dishevelled looking blonde whirlwind, who had just appeared out of the kitchen.

“What is it Anakin?” I inquired with a small smile.

Almost immediately his cheeks slightly reddened and he nervously shuffled with his feet on the ground. I questioningly gazed to Shmi, who was just coming out of the kitchen as well, but she shrugged and shook her head.

“I was wondering... I mean...” I patiently waited for my usually talkative Padawan to find the right words, “It’s about Obi-Wan,” he eventually said. I felt my muscles tensing and I swallowed around the lump in my throat that had started to form.

“What is with him?”

“Do you... do you think he is alright?” the worry in his voice was more than obvious. Every other Master would have scolded him, but I was not the usual Master to begin with.

“I think Obi-Wan is a very capable Jedi and I am sure that he is alright. If he has run into trouble, then I am sure he soon will find a way out,” I quickly added the last part. I was not sure if these words were solemnly meant for Anakin, or if I was trying to fool myself as well.

Anakin nodded, “In this case, I believe that he will safely return to us.” His smile was blinding and I could not help but return it. Even Shmi was smiling, even though her eyes were suspiciously wet.

* * *

 

I was drained after the long meeting with the small group of people Obi-Wan respected and trusted. It was not very satisfying, at least not on my part. After seemingly endless discussions, we came to the exact same conclusions I already had. Only Yoda thought a little bit differently in one point. It concerned Obi-Wan’s anchor of the light side. He said that I was this person and every attempt to deny it or to give another option was quickly smashed. He explained it with our first meeting, which was years behind. Apparently from the first time our eyes had met, Obi-Wan and I had formed a strong connection in the Force, something Yoda had never seen before.

Mace had agreed that our bond had been forged by the Force itself and that Obi-Wan somehow had chosen me. It sounded absurd, yet they believed it to be true. I tried to reason with them. How was he still so bright, despite the fact that our relationship had been so strained during the last years? Again it was Yoda who answered. He explained that Obi-Wan had still carried some hope deep in himself, a hope that could not even be erased by the Council’s lies.

 

That Mace, Yoda and Plo Koon were not happy about the Council’s decisions was an understatement. They were beyond furious. Dooku as well, but he was not openly displaying it. There had been a fire raging in his eyes however and since I had been that man’s Padawan for more than ten years, I knew exactly what that meant. He was more determined than ever to bring down the existing Council. He was out for blood. I was not sure if I meant that literal or rhetorical however.

 

When the doors to my apartment came into view I sighed in relief. I would have cheered loudly, but I was missing the strength to do so, besides, I did not want to wake one of my ‘neighbours’.

With a wave of my hand the door opened and I stepped through. I immediately felt a lot better once I got rid of my robe. I stepped into the living room that somehow connected the rest of the rooms. I expected to see it abandoned, dark and lifeless. To my surprise, neither of those things applied. Right in the middle of the living room – and only now did I notice that all the furniture had been moved to the walls – sat a certain ginger haired male, deep in meditation. Around him flew a few items, including some of his belonging like his lightsaber, but also a few opened holocrons. The Force was moving and waving webs in the space. I could not see those webs, but I could feel them. They were a mixture of the deepest darkness and the purest light.

I carefully took a step forward and saw that Obi-Wan’s eyes were actually opened and they darted between the holocrons. I was slightly startled once I realised that TWO red holocrons were hovering over the ground. Since when had he obtained a second one? Perhaps from Sidious?

I took another step forward, expecting him to close the holocron immediately, but he did no such thing. Another glance later I knew why. The Sith holocrons were written in the ancient Sith language. I sent a longing glance towards the door of my bedroom, but eventually I decided against it and seated myself in front of my former Padawan instead. His eyes flashed briefly to me. I saw dark rings under his eyes, which made the scar even more prominent. Without asking I knew that he was searching for something, I did not know if he was finding it however.

I continued to observe the red and blue light that bathed the usually comfortable room in a strange light. The red light was the more dominant one and its aggressive nature caused a painful throbbing in my skull.

“Obi-Wan,” I spoke out, disturbing the silence. “You are back.”

“Yes.” He did not even look at me, but continued with his research.

“It is late,” I tried again.

“It is.” Once more there was no further reaction. It frustrated me beyond measure, which could very well have been, because I just spend hours in a sticky room with debating people. That and the headache was getting worse by the minute.

“Quit it, will you?” I finally snapped and this time, blue-green eyes turned to me. “You are exhausted...” I continued more calmly, “there is still time tomorrow.”

“Time is just an illusion,” it was as if he was not really here, but somewhere else, far away, “An illusion created to make the weak minded realise that they are not immortal, that there will be a point in their existence, when they just... cease... to exist.”  
“You mean when they die?” I asked. I was not in the mood for such philosophical phrases.

“Nobody dies... and nobody really ceases to exist. ‘Death’ is more like taking a step over the edge and beginning anew, anew in the Force.”

“Yes, the people go back from which they once came,” I summarized, not at all impressed by his words. I took a deep breath, “Look, it’s really late and we both need some rest. What about I help you rearrange the room... then again, we could just let it stay this way.”

Suddenly the objects hovering in the air stopped doing their circles around Obi-Wan. I felt the Force shift around us. “You think me a child that needs to be taken care of,” Obi-Wan suddenly said and for the first time since talking to him, I felt like he was really there.

“Well, it seems that you are not doing a good job taking care of yourself,” I answered and got up, offering him my hand. He stared hard at me.

“Do you think this is a game?”

I blinked in confusion and retreated my outstretched hand, “Excuse me?”

“Do you think this is a game?” he repeated, “Do you think I enjoy doing this... to myself? Do you think I would... neglect my mortal needs because I have a sadistic streak, because it is bringing me pleasure?” He closed his eyes and shook his head. When he turned to look at me again, there was once more this distance between us, “If this is the case, then you truly do not know me very well.”

“Probably better than anybody else,” I could not stop myself from saying this.

“Indeed,” his gaze lowered and the object moved in circles again. “Which is why you talked to part of the Council, isn’t it?” He tilted his head and for the briefest second I could have sworn I saw a tint of yellow in his eyes.

I opened my mouth a few times to retort something, but there simply came no words to my mind. I quickly closed it again and returned the gaze of the ginger haired male sitting in front of me. How could he know about the meeting? Did he pry? What else did he know? But there was also something else bothering me.

“You are not angry?” I asked carefully. He did indeed seem calm and collected.

“Angry? Why should I be angry? It is a normal human reaction to seek council with those that are standing above you. I expected you to go to them, I calculated it in fact. I also calculated that they would use you to get to me...” his eyes glided towards his right side for the briefest of seconds. When he continued, his voice was ice-cold, “What I did not expect however, was your knowledge on the prophecy of the Chosen One... and certain other... aspects. You know, I was not aware that the Jedi were this well informed.”

I mentally screamed at myself. He was speaking about what I said during the meeting. The talk about the Nightsisters, about the Mother and the Sith temple. I felt coldness grip my heart. I knew he could simply tear down the shields he had created in my mind, but he wanted to hear it from me. He knew it anyway, but he was toying with me. He was having his sweet revenge.

“I... I...” I couldn’t speak. It was as if my throat was sealed shut.

“You?” he got up his position and his facial expression looked almost soft and encouraging.

“I read in your journey,” I eventually managed to spit out.

“Ah... yes,” I averted his gaze, instead I focused my eyes to stay on his chest. I could still see him raising his hand to touch the brown leather book that was flying by.

“I’m sorry.”

He sighed and it sounded defeated. “A pity that this does not change anything about the fact that you betrayed me,” now this caught my attention and made me look up.

“I didn’t-“

“intent to,” he interrupted me, “No, I don’t think you did... in the beginning.” Who was that man standing in front of me? That was not Obi-Wan Kenobi, not my Padawan. I felt fear taking a hold of me and it only worsened when he reached out and grabbed his old lightsaber. I would have taken a step back, but my body would not move from the spot I was standing on.

“Tell me,” blue-yellow eyes locked with mine, “did you enjoy it? Prying in other people’s mind? You wished to have your privacy, yet you denied me mine. I trusted you, but now...” he did not need to finish that sentence.

“I know what I did was wrong... I know I should not have pried.”

“The funny thing is,” he continued, completely ignoring what I had just said, “that I would have given you the information you were seeking without a second thought, had you just asked.” He shrugged. I swallowed and took another deep breath to calm my erratically beating heart.

“Obi-Wan... do with me whatever you want, just... just don’t lose yourself,” I pleaded.

“And now you care about my feelings again, huh?” he chuckled darkly and shook his head, “This is not how it is going to work Jinn, and you know it.”

I decided to try to get through to him again, to calm his darker side like I did before. “Young one-“

“ENOUGH,” I flinched at his raised words and were the hovering things were thrown through the room, colliding with whatever was in their path. Obi-Wan did not seem to care.

“Spare me the lecture, spare me the useless talk. Mere words are not going to help you anymore... neither of you.” He regarded me for a moment, I almost saw the gears in his mind working. “You know, there is one thing I do not understand. Why are you all saying that I am the Chosen One? It makes no sense, really. But be that as it may. I leave you your sweet little illusion. Go on and continue pretending I am the Chosen One. Continue pretending and who knows, maybe it comes true at some point.”

“You ARE the Chosen One. I did not see it at first, but Master Yoda-“

Again I was interrupted, “Master Yoda is only a living being. He does not have the answers to all the questions in the universe...” He sighed, “Well, if you so desperately want me to be the Chosen One, then fine. Let me be the Chosen One. Let me be the dark side and the light side.”

I had absolutely no idea where this was heading, but I certainly did not want to find out. I cursed my body for not bending to my will when another thought hit me. What if Obi-Wan was manipulating my body? “What are you doing?”

“Let me put the hope in your heart and then,” he raised his old lightsaber up for me to see, “let me... crush it.” In his yellow eyes was a mad gleam when he tightened the hand with which he was holding the weapon. I gasped in shock when the handle broke under the pressure he inflicted by simply closing his hand into a fist. He tilted his still closed hand and watched with odd fascination when dust and broken pieces rained down onto the ground. I followed the falling pieces as well, until a certain blue crystal landed with a high clang on the dirty floor.

“Let me engulf the darkness as I have the light,” Obi-Wan continued and I could not take my eyes of the crystal, “And let me destroy everything that you know.” With that his booted feet landed on the crystal, destroying it and our connection. It was only then that my body moved, but at this point, I was only able to fall to my knees and look at the broken remains of our relationship.

I could hear him moving, fabric sliding over something. I did not need to look to know that he had put on his robe and his belt, where his second – no, not his second anymore – where his lightsaber was attached to. It was followed by the sound of his booted feet that stopped right next to me. I did not expect him to just leave and I was not disappointed. My former Padawan kneeled down and looked at me with those changeable eyes of his. I did not turn my head to return his gaze, but he did not seem to care. He simply came closer until I could feel his hot breath against my ear.

“How does it feel, huh?” he whispered and I shuddered, “Does it hurt? Or are you still too shocked to realise what has happened?” He chuckled darkly, “From now on, things are going to change. Starting with Sidious’ destruction and ending with the extinction of the whole Jedi Order. Now, why don’t you get a grip on yourself and run to that Council of yours and tell them... everything... you know. Make your betrayal complete... and don’t let the destruction of our... bond... be for naught.” Something pushed against my chest and without thinking I grabbed onto it.

 

Only when Obi-Wan had gone for what felt like only a few minutes, but must have been hours for the sun was rising already, did I come back to my senses. I was disorientated at first and then realised what had transpired. I dared to look at the item I was holding and with disgust I saw that it was a brown leather book. I immediately knew why he had given me this. It was a reminder of the greatest mistake I have ever committed and it would show me what I had destroyed.

 

I continued to kneel on the ground where I have been left and looked at the book that I had placed next me. I was doing nothing, not even thinking. Too great was the shook upon what had transpired. Only when the door to my quarters were opened and when Mace Windu, Dooku, Plo Koon and Yoda appeared around me, did my mind somewhat return to my body.

“Qui-Gon,” Mace began. He had looked around the room curiously, but chose not to mention the state it was in, nor the shattered lightsaber in the middle of it. “We felt a shift in the Force... where is Obi-Wan?”

At the sound of that name a picture of my bright child appeared in my mind, but it was quickly replaced by the gruesome monster he has turned into because of me. I couldn’t help it, but emptied the content of my stomach right in front of me. At least I felt a little bit better afterwards.

“Qui-Gon, are you alright?” Dooku’s voice broke through the slight haze around my mind, his hand was resting on my shoulder.

“Masters... if I truly was Obi-Wan’s anchor to the light side... then he has none anymore.” I blinked up and saw the paling faces of the people I had deemed close comrades. People I had believed that could make a change, together with Obi-Wan.

Before either of us could reply anything else, another shift in the Force occurred. A wave of agony ripped through the Force. “What is the meaning of this?” Plo Koon asked.

“The Sith Lord... no more he is,” Yoda grunted in reply, clutching his chest.

“What is this supposed to mean?” the Korun Master asked this time.

“Outside we have to go.”

Neither of us defied the small Master’s words. We followed his instruction and headed out. On the way other Jedi attached themselves to our group. They all had felt it too.

“Master!” it was Anakin, who came running towards me, with his mother close behind. “What’s happening?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted. His face was pale and he looked around nervously. Out of instinct I offered him my hand, which he gratefully latched onto. Shmi held his other hand.

 

We did not let go of each other, even when we were standing outside of the great Jedi temple. It looked like everybody had assembled on the large place. I even saw the young Mirialan girl that had kissed my former Padawan on the cheek, as well as the young Knight, who had helped me in my search for the cursed journal.

Nobody said a single word. The few by-passers we saw, shot us strange looks, but did not linger to see what would happen. A certain tension hung in the air and I was unsure if we really were supposed to stand here, when a figure appeared on the horizon. It was clearly a male and he was clad in dark. A few Jedi started mumbling among each other, but I kept my eyes on the approaching figure. At one point I had realised that this figure was actually my former Padawan, the Chosen One, and he was covered in blood. I was not the only one who gasped at the sight of him. Anakin squeezed my hand tightly and Shmi moved swiftly to my other side to clutch my free arm. Obi-Wan stopped in earshot and I could see his hard and cold yellow eyes.

“The Sith Lord... is dead,” and he threw the object he held forward. Some Jedi recoiled at the bloody head from the Supreme Chancellor. Others gasped in shock. A few moments of silence passed and it looked like the first few people got over their shock. They actually looked like they were about to start cheering any minute now, but before they could, the ginger haired man standing a few feet away from us, continued to speak, “From this day on, the galaxy will change. If it will change for the worse or for the better, remains to be seen. There is only one thing I am absolutely certain about. The Sith are destroyed, nothing of them remains but a memory and old holocrons almost no one can read. And this knowledge too, will be forgotten soon. Now there is only one task I have to fulfil, one assignment I have to finish.” I could feel the crowd holding their breathes, eagerly awaiting what their hero was about to say. Yoda and Dooku, who were standing next to me, tensed visibly. They had caught on that not everything was as it seemed.

“You call me Sith-Killer, Sith-Hunter... some would even call me... the Chosen One. I hate all those titles. But what I do hate even more, is a corrupt society. People, who have forgotten everything they stand for. People, who have lost their ways.” His eyes flashed. “That is why the Jedi Order is going to be wiped out as well.”

Once again silence rung over the people. No one dared to speak or move. I could feel the confusion vibrating in the air. I could have stepped forward, maybe I should have, but I couldn’t.

“You are joking, right?” a brave voice exclaimed. My chest hurt when I saw that it was the Knight, who had helped me and who wanted to ask Obi-Wan for a personal training session. Instead of answering, the ginger haired man raised his hand and motioned for the man to step forward. I wanted to stop him, but something kept me from doing so. With terror I realised that it was Obi-Wan, who had a grip on me. I turned my gaze towards my former Padawan’s face, whose eyes seemed to look right into my soul. And with a start I realised that this was exactly what he was doing, with all of us.

“You are Knight Ceras, is that correct?” Obi-Wan asked.

“Yes Sir, I am the one who... who asked you for... for guidance and lessons,” he blushed in embarrassment.

“I remember,” Obi-Wan retorted and there was something in his voice that I did not like at all. He put a hand on the other male’s shoulder. “Very well then, let this be your first lesson from me,” he tilted his head, “I do not joke.” And with that Knight Ceras had an orange blade embedded between his ribs. Thankfully the man was dead almost instantly. Obi-Wan let his dead body carelessly slide to the floor.

“You can try to run, you can try to hide, but you will not escape your fate. I will look for you, I will find you and I will kill you, ALL of you. Do you hear that? The Jedi Order will soon be a simple memory of those who saw its downfall! There will not be no Force User after I am done with you! I am going to destroy everything and every single one of you... until nothing remains but the smoking ash...and then the new era will begin. Everything has begun with the Force... and everything will end with it.”

Even if he had not stopped the Jedi from interfering by using the Force, we would not have had the slightest chance of getting near him. The body of the man I raised, wimple vanished in the wind. Nobody said anything, but there was no need to. They had all realised that the time of the Jedi and the Sith had ended... but the worst realisation was, that I should be the last... forced to keep my sanity intact while those around me would die...

* * *

* * *

 

“You have gotten old, Master,” an accented voice said from the shadows.

“And you still hide in the shadows,” the deep baritone voice of the old male with the long white hair answered calmly. “Step out of the light, so that my old eyes may see you.”

Qui-Gon Jinn was not surprised to see that his former Padawan had not changed much. Not in appearance, nor in his attitude. The Force had always favoured his precious son.

“Am I the last one then?”

“Yes.”

Qui-Gon sighed and he motioned for the ginger haired man to take a seat. Obi-Wan hesitated for a moment, but eventually complied. He refused the tea that was offered to him however and looked around the small hut instead.

“What about Anakin?”

Blue-green eyes focused on the older male, “He died while trying to free slaves... he died a Jedi.”

“And those slaves?”

He tilted his head, “I brought them to Naboo and Mandalore.”

Qui-Gon nodded, “This is nice. How is Satine by the way?”

“She is doing well. She and the children are on vacation right now, the Force knows she deserves it.”

The long haired man smiled at the mental picture he got from the man sitting beside him. It showed Satine sitting on a blanket on the grass hills of a beautiful planet and she was surrounded by her two daughters and her son. “I am happy for you,” he eventually said. “After all this time... and you have not changed at all...”

“How could I?” Obi-Wan shrugged. There was another moment of silence. “Is this what you expected?”

Midnight blue eyes turned to the right to gaze upon the smaller male. “No,” he answered truthfully. He had never expected to end up on his home-planet, being a farmer and becoming a real father. The children were not his by blood, but he still took them. The orphans and the abused ones and whatever else was thrown his way. “Tell me Obi-Wan, do you regret it?”

Qui-Gon had to wait for an answer, but with age he had learned to be more patient and less hectic. Some questions needed to be thought over, they deserved it. “I only regret that I never finished my journal.”

“You mean this?” he pointed towards a worn out leather book that rested innocently in one of the shelves.

“You kept it?” Obi-Wan asked, one eyebrow raised. The older male simply shrugged and the Chosen One got up to get it. He looked through the pages. “You wrote in it.”

“You left it and I thought it would be appropriate.”

“They had all realised that the time of the Jedi and the Sith had ended... but the worst realisation was, that I should be the last... forced to keep my sanity intact while those around me would die...” he read out loud, “Very poetic, I did not know you had that in yourself.”

“You’d be surprised what these old bones are still capable off.” This is what he had missed the most all those years, the teasing and the bright young man at his side.

“And now it is you who has to leave...” Obi-Wan said and he sounded melancholic. “Does it hurt?”

“Is this not supposed to be MY question?” Qui-Gon answered good-naturedly. He was not afraid of death, it was just the beginning of a new adventure after all. “It hurt to see all my friends die around me...” he said seriously, “but I knew that my time had not come yet. I knew that you were simply following the will of the Force... we are all just a part in a greater scheme after all.” He added the last part as an afterthought.

“Indeed, my old Master.”

“I missed hearing that.”

“Getting sentimental?” Obi-Wan asked and there was a real smile on his face. That was something else he had missed.

“Only a little, as it is expected of a maverick like me,” they both shared a laugh. Then Qui-Gon turned serious once more, “What will expect me on the other side?”

“Peace, happiness... the others.”

“All of them?” he could not leave the hopefulness out of his voice.

“Yes,” the ginger haired male hesitated, “even Tahl.”

“But not you,” midnight blue eyes tried to catch blue-green ones, but Obi-Wan avoided his glance.

“No... it is not my time yet. Besides, Satine would come right after me and drag me back for leaving her with three children... it would not be a pretty sight.”

Qui-Gon laughed, “I can imagine that. Yes, I can imagine that quite well.” The man hesitated unsure for a moment, but then slowly and gently laid his arm over the smaller male’s shoulder. To his surprise, Obi-Wan not only allowed it, but reached up with one of his hands to grasp Qui-Gon’s. “Does this mean that everything is forgotten and forgiven?”

“I fear not... I cannot forget, it is not in my nature, but I have forgiven you. And what about you?”

“There is nothing I have to forgive. The forget part however, I think I am getting old.” Obi-Wan smiled slightly and shook his head in amusement.

The two former Jedi continued to just sit there and watch the sinking sun in the horizon. The landscape was submerged in a gentle orange light and it reminded Qui-Gon so much of the young presence that was resting next to him. Only when the moon had appeared on the cloudless sky, did Obi-Wan stir.

“Come on,” his tone was gentle and soft, “I can see that you are tired.” He stood up, but did not let go of the long haired man’s hand. He gently pulled the older man to his feet, who in return was very grateful for the offered help.

 

With a small groan did Qui-Gon lay down on his comfortable bed. He did not bother with a blanket, the nights were warm enough in this season. Obi-Wan took a chair and dragged it towards the bed before he sat on it. Once more the old man reached out and once more did Obi-Wan take his hand in his own.

“Is it going to hurt?” the former Jedi Master could not help but ask.

“No.”

Qui-Gon nodded and his gaze rested in soft blue eyes. He thought about all his children that would have to cope without him now. But then again, Obi-Wan had become such a bright and good young man. It gave Qui-Gon hope.

“They will do great, don’t worry about them.” He hesitated, but then added, “I can leave them a message behind, so that they may contact me, should they ever need something.”

For a moment Qui-Gon pondered, “No, they are their own men now. They don’t need you or me. They have each other,” his gaze saddened, “You were missing that privilege and Anakin as well.”

“We had you, that was enough.” The white haired man did not know what to answer, so he kept silent, listening to the even breathing of his companion and the animals that were passing his home during their hunt for food.

“You are worried,” the ginger haired male observed.

The former Jedi Master hummed, “I was never good with finding my way...” The hand that was holding his, squeezed lightly.

“I will guide you, as I have guided all the others. You won’t get lost, I won’t allow it.” Thanks to this promise, Qui-Gon could finally fully relax. He closed his eyes and he did not need to see, to know that Obi-Wan had abandoned his chair to kneel right at his side. A moment later he felt a warm hand on the side of his face and a thumb lightly stroking his cheek.

“Don’t cry, it’s just another adventure,” Obi-Wan whispered into his ear, using the same words Qui-Gon had used earlier that day, and only now did the dying man realise that a hot fluid was escaping his closed eye lids. “Will you be there?”

“If you wait for me.”

“I think I can manage that. I have a lot of practice... you were always late.”

“Not always,” Obi-Wan protested and he shifted once more, resting his forehead on Qui-Gon’s, giving the older man the comfort he craved for. “Sleep,” he ordered gently.

Qui-Gon emptied his mind and he allowed himself to be lulled into a semi-sleeping state by his child’s breathing and by the beating of said child’s heart. He could hear that it was a little bit faster than it was supposed to be, then again, it was probably just in synch with his own.

The white haired man did not know how much time had passed until sleep and darkness fully claimed him. He only knew that he was suddenly surrounded by a blinding light, with a certain ginger haired male at his side. Obi-Wan was smiling up to him, gone were the traces of pain, hurt and betrayal. Gone were the years of death and destruction. And gone was the scar, as well as the haunted look in his eyes. Qui-Gon wondered how he must look.

“Younger... and more at peace,” Obi-Wan offered and that was all Qui-Gon needed to know.

Obi-Wan gently took his hand and wasn’t it just ironic how small and tender it still looked in comparison to Qui-Gon’s? He began walking and the former Jedi Master could only follow. He had no idea where this journal would lead him, he had no idea what was awaiting him on ‘the other side’, he only knew that he had nothing to fear with his child at his side...

 

**Author's Note:**

> Props to all those, who have managed to actually read this! O.O  
> I would give you a cookie, but sadly they have been taken by my sister... well, if you want something else (a FF/ story/ request) feel free to say so. (Take it as a small reward for reading this long One-Shot... it was NOT supposed to be that long!!) O.O
> 
> Don't forget to leave a comment. :)
> 
> My Tumblr: inkognito97.tumblr.com


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